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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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Just been along to vote, & looking at the ballot paper I wondered how the raving looneys manage to field so many more candidates than the others.
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A gray-headed old man shuffled into a downtown bar, but he was holding his head up high. His hands were a little shaky, as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I flew F-4 Phantoms out of Cam Ranh Bay during Vietnam. I learned to play the piano at the Officers' Club during my down time, so here I am.”
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy. But it had been quite a while since he had a piano player, and business was falling off. So, he figured, why not give him a try? A few patrons snickered, as the old pilot shuffled his way over to the piano. But by the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender handed the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.
It's called "Drop your Panties, Baby, It's Balls To The Wall Tonight" he said.
After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he added "I wrote it myself."
The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player quickly went into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the whole place jumping.
After he finished, the old pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second offered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Honey, Your Boobs Are Adding Fuel to My Afterburner."
He then launched into another mesmerizing song, and everyone in the room was enthralled.
He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread Those Legs, Honey, I'm on Final with My Gear Extended".
Then he excused himself and headed for the restroom.
When he came out, the bartender went over to him and said, "Great work, fly boy, the job is yours. But do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out? "
Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I flew F-4 Phantoms out of Cam Ranh Bay during Vietnam. I learned to play the piano at the Officers' Club during my down time, so here I am.”
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy. But it had been quite a while since he had a piano player, and business was falling off. So, he figured, why not give him a try? A few patrons snickered, as the old pilot shuffled his way over to the piano. But by the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender handed the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.
It's called "Drop your Panties, Baby, It's Balls To The Wall Tonight" he said.
After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he added "I wrote it myself."
The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player quickly went into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the whole place jumping.
After he finished, the old pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second offered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Honey, Your Boobs Are Adding Fuel to My Afterburner."
He then launched into another mesmerizing song, and everyone in the room was enthralled.
He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread Those Legs, Honey, I'm on Final with My Gear Extended".
Then he excused himself and headed for the restroom.
When he came out, the bartender went over to him and said, "Great work, fly boy, the job is yours. But do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out? "
Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
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Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
D
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I've not seen that in awhile
