Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
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- Heather
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and please use their services
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- Christopher
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Dave, I thought your Avatar was indicating that your astrological sign is Capricorn as the animal associated with it is the goat.
Tringa
Numpty of the Day'
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- Dave
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Dave, I thought your Avatar was indicating that your astrological sign is Capricorn as the animal associated with it is the goat.
No, it really is a photo of me.
Dave
Nod
Tootles
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- Nod (UK)
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Nod
Tootles
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- Nod (UK)
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- Christopher
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Nod
Tootles
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- Nod (UK)
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Wow, that was well spotted and filmed by the observer and oh so different to anything else I think I ever seen
When I saw the still, I thought it was probably a drone with a polystyrene model. Love the way the rider just sits there for a second or 2 with its wings folded!
Gremlin
Houdini
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- Ingrid
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
Gremlin
Houdini
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- Ingrid
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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note... After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note... After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
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- Graeme
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I thought my heart was going to burst with happiness and excitement as I looked down the aisle and saw my soon to be wife walking towards me.
It seemed like an age before she reached me with the trolley, I was so impatient, the ‘three cases of Bishop’s Finger for the price of two’ offer wasn’t going to last forever …
It seemed like an age before she reached me with the trolley, I was so impatient, the ‘three cases of Bishop’s Finger for the price of two’ offer wasn’t going to last forever …
Last edited:
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- Peter
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who is driving? that's what I want to know.
Asha
Blithering Idiot
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- Asha
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A priest never lies!
On a flight to France, a distinguished young girl sat next to a priest.
She asked him:
My father, can I ask you a favor?
Of course, my child, what can I do for you?
Well, I bought a very advanced electric hair dryer for my mother's birthday.
It is in its packaging and well beyond the import limit value. I'm afraid it will be confiscated.
Could you pass it through customs for me, under your cassock, for example?
I wish I could help you, dear child, but I must warn you, I will never lie.
With honesty written all over your face father, you probably won't be questioned.
When they arrived at the customs counter, the young girl let the priest pass.
The customs officer asked him:
Do you have anything to declare, Father?
From the tip of my hair to my waist, I have nothing to declare!
The customs officer, finding this response bizarre, then asked him:
And from the waist down, what do you have to declare?
I have a marvelous instrument intended to be handled by a woman and which has never been used to date.
The customs officer burst out laughing and replied:
Pass My father!...... NEXT.!
On a flight to France, a distinguished young girl sat next to a priest.
She asked him:
My father, can I ask you a favor?
Of course, my child, what can I do for you?
Well, I bought a very advanced electric hair dryer for my mother's birthday.
It is in its packaging and well beyond the import limit value. I'm afraid it will be confiscated.
Could you pass it through customs for me, under your cassock, for example?
I wish I could help you, dear child, but I must warn you, I will never lie.
With honesty written all over your face father, you probably won't be questioned.
When they arrived at the customs counter, the young girl let the priest pass.
The customs officer asked him:
Do you have anything to declare, Father?
From the tip of my hair to my waist, I have nothing to declare!
The customs officer, finding this response bizarre, then asked him:
And from the waist down, what do you have to declare?
I have a marvelous instrument intended to be handled by a woman and which has never been used to date.
The customs officer burst out laughing and replied:
Pass My father!...... NEXT.!
