The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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And :p
 
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A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the Garda.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world drug lords, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Dublin airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the Kerryman how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
“A tenner??But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying c***. He's never been out of the garden!"
 
Mind you, I don't drink much less...
 
Nod said:
You have to take anything published by Devon Live with a back-hoe full of salt! They have got one thing right - I've never bought a round in there!!!

Oh, and I don't drink any more!
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Glad you liked it :)

I’d best keep my eyes peeled for the next few days methinks ;)
 
Nod said:
You have to take anything published by Devon Live with a back-hoe full of salt!
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Here's a thought, why doesn't someone include the "Devon Live Salty Handfull of the Week" here?

As Nod says: there's no shortage of candidates! :naughty: :coat:
 
Norkie said:
Glad you liked it :)

I’d best keep my eyes peeled for the next few days methinks ;)
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Nah! I've had that meme kicking about for a while, waiting for a) the opportunity and b) someone who wouldn't take offence at it!

The standard of local reporting here is... low to say the least. The local paper is called the Express and Echo but has long been known by its staff and customers as the Excessive Error.
 
Nod said:
Nah! I've had that meme kicking about for a while, waiting for a) the opportunity and b) someone who wouldn't take offence at it!

The standard of local reporting here is... low to say the least. The local paper is called the Express and Echo but has long been known by its staff and customers as the Excessive Error.
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A little like our local rag, if it actually arrives it has 3 or 4 news items, borrowed from the main newspaper, the EDP. The rest is page after page of adverts, dreadful.
 
Talking of crap reporting...
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(Just Googled the headline and it seems to be genuine, if a bit old!!!)
 
Norkie said:
A little like our local rag, if it actually arrives it has 3 or 4 news items, borrowed from the main newspaper, the EDP. The rest is page after page of adverts, dreadful.
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The local rag is (or was!) owned by the same group as the Daily Fail. Not looked at a paper copy for years.
 
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