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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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ancient_mariner
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- Martin
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Oh, that is weird. Took me a few seconds to work it out.
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- Martin
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Did that, but my monitor is big and bulky and I knocked a load of other stuff off the shelf while turning it the other way upEasy if you turn it upside down
Nod
Tootles
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Easy if you turn it upside down
Doesn't make any difference on a phone...
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- Bazza
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I had to go and see the local vicar a couple of days ago as I thought I had committed a great sin.
Vicar "You can tell me.what is troubling you"
me " the other day I saw my wife bending over the chest freezer trying to get something deep inside it. Well with her bum in mid air I couldn't resist so I took her while she was in that position. My worry is now I won't be allowed into heaven"
Vicar "Don't worry Bazza you did it to your wife so you will still be able to get into heaven"
me " thank goodness because I am now banned from Tesco"
Vicar "You can tell me.what is troubling you"
me " the other day I saw my wife bending over the chest freezer trying to get something deep inside it. Well with her bum in mid air I couldn't resist so I took her while she was in that position. My worry is now I won't be allowed into heaven"
Vicar "Don't worry Bazza you did it to your wife so you will still be able to get into heaven"
me " thank goodness because I am now banned from Tesco"
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I owe so much money to my herb dealer that they've threatened to send round the bay leafs.
Dale.
Bo Derek
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Me :- What's the wifi password?
Bartender :- You need to buy a drink first,
Me:- OK, I'll have a coke,
Bartender: Is Pespi OK?
Me:- Yup, sure, how much is that?
Bartender:- £2 please,
Me:- Now, what's the wifi password?
Bartender :- You need to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces.
Bartender :- You need to buy a drink first,
Me:- OK, I'll have a coke,
Bartender: Is Pespi OK?
Me:- Yup, sure, how much is that?
Bartender:- £2 please,
Me:- Now, what's the wifi password?
Bartender :- You need to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces.
ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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- Martin
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What's afoot? A Legend.
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- dave
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Gremlin
Houdini
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The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention." God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention." God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."
