The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Mojito!
 
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Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." Doris asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Fascinated, Doris says, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your ass!"
 
Sir Pious was about to head off for the crusade so fitted his wife with a chastity belt. Just before he rode out of his castle gate, he gave the key to his best friend, Sir Whumpsalot. As Sir P reached the edge of his lands, he turned to bid them adieu and spotted a rider at full gallop coming up behind - his best friend. As Sir Whumpsalot pulled up his horse beside Sir Pious, Sir Pious asked what the matter was. Sir Whumpsalot gasped out "Wrong key!"
 
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