The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Mountkeen said:
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More likely when "Greens" get their way and diesel and then petrol is finally banned, and then they realise exactly how much harm "farming" electricity is doing to the environment :D
 
Mountkeen said:
This year's "Flicking-a-ruler-on-the-edge-of-a-desk Championship" will be held in the Dordogne.
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Really? I'm hopefully going to that area in September [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] yes I did understand the joke line. [emoji14]
 
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I took two stuffed dogs onto “Flog It.”
The expert examined them and said,”They’re a fine example of the celebrated Johns Brothers of London.Taxidermists whose work is very sought after.”
“Do you know what they might fetch if they were in good condition?”asks the expert.
I said, “Yes. Sticks”
 
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Just came on the forum and wondered where i must have surfed today to get targeted ads like this :D

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A man attending his mate's funeral, asked the widow if he could say a word.
She said "yes".
He stood up and said "Plethora".
She said, "Thank you, that means a lot".
 
I just ate a frozen apple.

Hardcore man!
 
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I just bought a biography of the singer from the Velvet Underground. It's a great loo read.
 
Latvian comedian say "what deal with potato?"
Crowd not laugh.
Comedian squint into darkness, to see crowd.
There is no crowd.
All die of malnourish.
 
DorsetDude said:
Latvian comedian say "what deal with potato?"
Crowd not laugh.
Comedian squint into darkness, to see crowd.
There is no crowd.
All die of malnourish.
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What on earth is all this Latvian cr@p This must be about the tenth time these have been posted.
 
munch said:
What on earth is all this Latvian cr@p This must be about the tenth time these have been posted.
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Someone who does not know either Latvia or Latvians has some strange prejudices.
 
A young lad comes home crying and his dad asks him why. The boy explains that he's just been banned for life from the local swimming baths for peeing in the water.
His dad goes to see the manager of the baths to take him to task over his son's lifetime ban and says "You can't be serious, most little kids pee in the water at some time or other!".
To which the manager replies, "Yes, they probably do... but not from the high diving board!".
 
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Just realised what FIFA stands for

Football Isn’t For Arabs
:exit::exit::exit::exit::exit:
 
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