The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on Celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
 
I think it’s hard for people with disabilities nowadays with all the benefit cuts, I have a friend who’s a dwarf and he struggles to put food on the table!!!
 
You mean like this?

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cantina.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring
blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young
cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind
if I do?'

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in
his best cowboy manner says, ' Yaa, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the
bottom and notices a dead rat in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says,

'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'
 
Not really there was only one rat, not two :p
 
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