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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
simon ess
Just call me Roxanne.
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- 9,603
- Edit My Images
- No
Miserable bunch. Opportunity missed IMO
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- 23,522
- Name
- Toni
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- No
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- 1,849
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I went to a faith healing meeting last night. It was rubbish; even the guy in the wheel chair got up and walked out.
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- 29,926
- Name
- George.
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A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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- 5,548
- Name
- mike
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Twin sisters in Sunnyside Nursing Home were turning 100 years old. The local newspaper sends a photographer to take pictures...
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!
- Messages
- 5,548
- Name
- mike
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- Yes
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'
I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,
Tesco plain, isn't it?'
And thus began my life of celibacy.
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- 5,548
- Name
- mike
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Registration on the first day back at school
Ahmed Al Sheriah
"here"
Mustafa Al Sheriah
"here
"Fatima El Bindiri
"here"
Ali Acmah Shabeeb
"here"
Ali Sun Al En
No answer
Ali Sun Al En?
Little girl at the back stands up and says
"It's pronounced Alison Allen, for f***'s sake.."
Ahmed Al Sheriah
"here"
Mustafa Al Sheriah
"here
"Fatima El Bindiri
"here"
Ali Acmah Shabeeb
"here"
Ali Sun Al En
No answer
Ali Sun Al En?
Little girl at the back stands up and says
"It's pronounced Alison Allen, for f***'s sake.."
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- 947
- Name
- ken
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Nod
Tootles
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- 45,567
- Name
- Nod (UK)
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An ex-girlfriend bought me a box of 500 condoms for christmas 1981 - 1982 was a VERY Goodyear.
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- 8,311
- Name
- Ian
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
The reaper cushions will be terrible.
The reaper cushions will be terrible.
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- 947
- Name
- ken
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- Yes
- Messages
- 947
- Name
- ken
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- Yes
Do you come here often?
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