The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Ask The Doctor

Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lockdown.
  • Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
  • Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception,while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short sighted.
  • Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Paediatricians said,“Oh, grow up!”
  • Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
  • Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
  • Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
  • Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were p***ed off at the whole idea.
  • Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
  • In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes.
 
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night when suddenly he hears a 'bump'.
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the road towards him.
Bump
Bump
Bump...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the casket bumping along the road behind him.
Faster, faster.
Bump
Bump
Bump...
He runs up to his door and fumbles with his keys as the casket nears him.
He opens the door and slams it behind him.
He rushes upstairs as the casket smashes down the front door, the lid of the casket clapping.
Clappity bump
Clappity bump
The terrified man runs up the stairs to the bathroom and slams the door shut.
His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath comes in sobbing gasps.
With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, to defend himself.
His hands manage to grasp a bottle of cough syrup.
Desperate, he throws the bottle at the casket
and...





...the coffin stops.
 
kendo1 said:
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night when suddenly he hears a 'bump'.
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the road towards him.
Bump
Bump
Bump...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the casket bumping along the road behind him.
Faster, faster.
Bump
Bump
Bump...
He runs up to his door and fumbles with his keys as the casket nears him.
He opens the door and slams it behind him.
He rushes upstairs as the casket smashes down the front door, the lid of the casket clapping.
Clappity bump
Clappity bump
The terrified man runs up the stairs to the bathroom and slams the door shut.
His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath comes in sobbing gasps.
With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, to defend himself.
His hands manage to grasp a bottle of cough syrup.
Desperate, he throws the bottle at the casket
and...





...the coffin stops.
Click to expand...

No. Just no :D
 
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