The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I need some technical Facebook help, please.

I am a member of a Facebook Group dedicated to the 70‘s band The Sweet.
I accepted a friend request from a fellow member called Buster.
He has now become a nuisance bombarding me with videos and non-stop messages on Messenger.
Enough is enough and so I tried to unfriend him and block him, with no success. This is where I need the technical help .....
Does anyone know the way ..... there’s got to be a way, to Block Buster ?
 
Last edited:
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good morning, Fathers."
"Just a minute, young lady," says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
"Don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Kathryn from the convent."
 
ShinySideUp said:
So now she thinks that erectile members are made of bricks, it takes Victorians to put them up and a bloke from Bolton to take them down again. All you have to do now is explain that women's parts are made by miners with spades and the picture is complete.:D
Click to expand...

Quality parenting. ;)
 
Dale. said:
Not a joke as such but very funny, imho,

Today I’m watching the F1 qualifying..... on come the adverts between sessions and the Numan advert comes on, you know, the erectile dysfunction one.

My 10 year old daughter is on the sofa with the laptop and she’s obviously heared the advert. She goes and I quote, “Dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?” ..... unquote.

I’m like.....like......like.... errmm :tumbleweed:


So I say the first thing that comes into my head, Fred Dibnah, chimney should cover it.

So I end up explaining how Victorian chimneys were built and how Fred Dibnah knocked them over, hence, erectile dysfunction.

Genius, if I say so myself.
Click to expand...

One day little Johnny found his father while he was washing the car, and asked him "dad, what's sex?".

Now, even though he was only 6, his dad took a deep breath and then explained about the birds and the bees, how to fit tab A into slot B and about the need to keep love alive during a long and happy marriage. As he was taking the lads eyes grew wider and wider, but he didn't interrupt or say a word.

When he'd finished the boy was turning to go back inside the house when the father asked him what prompted the question. "Mummy just sent me out to tell you that dinner would be ready in a few secs and ask you to come inside."
 
A man’s wife has been in a coma for several months but the doctors don’t know what’s causing it or how to treat it. One day a new consultant starts work at the hospital. He calls the woman’s husband in for a chat.

“I’ve discovered through my research that these cases sometimes respond to stimulus of one particular area of the brain; the part that governs sexual arousal. Are you willing to try something unusual?”

”Yes of course doctor, anything!”

”ok, well then, I want you to go into her room and give your wife oral sex”.

The guy duly goes into his wife’s room, but after a few minutes all her monitor alarms start screeching. The doctor rushes into the room but finds the woman is already dead.

“What happened? Were you doing oral sex like I said?”

”Yes, but I think she choked.”
 
5 girls are going to the prom, 1 girl says my boyfriend has brown hair so I will wear a brown dress the 2 girl says my boyfriend has blonde hair so I will wear a blonde dress third girl says my boyfriend has ginger hair so I will wear a ginger dress 4 girl my boyfriend has multi-coloured hair so I will wear a multi-coloured dress last girl says my boy friend has no hair.
 
61423-d3de4809-8238-4106-a564-b4ec23190c27.jpeg
 
A publican friend of mine told me fifteen years ago that their profit margin on coffee was 2,500%. :eek:
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
 
61746-1528e5f9-9f7e-4d4c-86b2-6ce9f75307e8.jpg
 
Cobra said:
That is one programme I try not to miss, some of the answers are real howlers, from people who should know better :D
Click to expand...
The penultimate question is a bit of a howler too even though the answer they want is obvious ;).
 
8u6709haxo591.jpg
 
During the heatwaves, please remember not to look directly at the Sun, as it's bad for your health.
The same goes for the Mail and Express.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top