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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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- Steve
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Its Rahim Sterling
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Does he have a Hugh Jarse then?
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- Jason
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Another year closer to death indeed
On a beautiful summer’s day, two tourists were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
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- Ron
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Tesco’s, good occasionally busy later.
Sainsbury’s moderate to good, sale on Cornflakes.
Asda, slight to moderate, heavy crowds by evening.
Marks and Spencer and Co-Op, fair.
Waitrose, fair to moderate, spillage in aisle 7.
Lidl and Aldi, rough at first, moderate later.
And that’s the end of the shopping forecast.
Sainsbury’s moderate to good, sale on Cornflakes.
Asda, slight to moderate, heavy crowds by evening.
Marks and Spencer and Co-Op, fair.
Waitrose, fair to moderate, spillage in aisle 7.
Lidl and Aldi, rough at first, moderate later.
And that’s the end of the shopping forecast.
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If you blame gays for society's problems, you're a homophobe.
If you blame Muslims for society's problems, you're an Islamophobe.
If you blame Jews for society's problems, you're an anti-Semite.
If you blame ethnic minorities for society's problems, you're a racist.
If you blame women for society's problems, you're a misogynist.
If you blame men for society's problems, you're a feminist.
and if you blame white people, you work for the BBC.
If you blame Muslims for society's problems, you're an Islamophobe.
If you blame Jews for society's problems, you're an anti-Semite.
If you blame ethnic minorities for society's problems, you're a racist.
If you blame women for society's problems, you're a misogynist.
If you blame men for society's problems, you're a feminist.
and if you blame white people, you work for the BBC.
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes.
It's only a draft at the moment.
It's only a draft at the moment.
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- George.
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A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me five shots of your best scotch!" The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow, that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink!" says the bartender. "Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies, "50 cents."
Gremlin
Houdini
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- Ingrid
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Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
“Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again.
"So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.”
"Why?”
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again.
"Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
“Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again.
"So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.”
"Why?”
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again.
"Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try.
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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Not for our younger readers this one . . . err, do we have any younger readers ? 
Indiana Jones and the Temple of We're Doomed.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of We're Doomed.