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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
- Messages
- 2,027
- Name
- Graeme
- Edit My Images
- No
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed: Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed: Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
Tech Support
- Messages
- 4,345
- Name
- Martin
- Edit My Images
- Yes
And here is another 'happy' man on a jet ski! Whheeeeeeeee! 
A
A
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,605
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
And here is another 'happy' man on a jet ski! Whheeeeeeeee!
A
To be fair, he was probably happy while he was ON it but is less so now he's NOT on it!
badlywornroy
I am not macho
- Messages
- 2,644
- Name
- Roy
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- No
Bear Grylls
- Messages
- 2,027
- Name
- Graeme
- Edit My Images
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Question time
Why was I fired from my job at the zoo just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean, who would steal a lion ?
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get to the Pharmacy for their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front ?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and yet get a diet coke ?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens on the counter tops ?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage ?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin ?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed ?
Why is ‘abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and solicitors call what they do *'practice' ?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons ?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour ?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff ?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains, whereas woollen sweaters do ?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together ?
If flying is so safe why do they call the airport the terminal ?
Why was I fired from my job at the zoo just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean, who would steal a lion ?
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get to the Pharmacy for their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front ?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and yet get a diet coke ?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens on the counter tops ?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage ?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin ?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed ?
Why is ‘abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and solicitors call what they do *'practice' ?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons ?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour ?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff ?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains, whereas woollen sweaters do ?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together ?
If flying is so safe why do they call the airport the terminal ?
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,605
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Apart from the punctuation!
