NSFW The TP limerick thread

posiview

posiview

Messages
19,461
Name
Andy
Edit My Images
Yes
I've always liked a good limerick, so I thought I'd call upon you lot to put one together.

I'll start it and feel free to join in. I'll keep it updated.

First response will get added.

I'd like to say keep it clean......but foresight convinced me to make this a NSFW thread :)

Here we go: There was a young man called Billy (couldn't resist :D)
 
Last edited:
There was a young man called Billy,
and he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed...
 
There was a young man called Billy,
and he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
 
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote. (Willy)
 
There was a young man from Limerick,
Who was unaware of the short and often humourous rhymes named after his hometown.
 
Last edited:
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote.
Until one day he found...
Something quite profound
It gave him a shock . . .
From his head to his........sock
 
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote.

Until one day he found...
Something quite profound
It gave him a shock . . .
From his head to his........sock
Then he started dancing around.
 
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote.

Until one day he found...
Something quite profound
It gave him a shock . . .
From his head to his........sock

Then he started dancing around.
Until his remote hit the ground...
 
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote.

Until one day he found...
Something quite profound
It gave him a shock . . .
From his head to his........sock

Then he started dancing around.
Until his remote hit the ground...
His wife burst through the door
 
There was a young man called Billy,
And he had a big lily,
He lived in a shed
With a TV and bed.......
And played all day long with his.............remote.

Until one day he found...
Something quite profound
It gave him a shock . . .
From his head to his........sock
Then he started dancing around.
Until his remote hit the ground...

His wife burst through the door
and her jaw fell to the floor . . .
(Although this limerick's dumb
It's all just for fun,
So let's see a few lines more) :D
 
I thought it was a thread for us to share all our filthy limericks. Imagine my disappointment.
One my Dad told us at far too early an age:

There was a young lady from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Now blades of grass
grow out of her arse
and her :muted:'s all covered in weeds
 
there once was a forum admin called marcel
received one Christmas a parcel
A shiny ban hammer
the splat of many a spammer
meant TP has far fewer arse holes
 
Last edited:
I was listening to an old episode of "im sorry I haven't a clue" the other night and Derek Nimmo came out with a cracker, bear in mind this went out live in the 70's, to say hump's earpiece was buzzing with frantic messages from the director was an understatement.

There was an old pouf of Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They laid on his bed
When he suddenly said
Who does what, with what and to whom?
 
There was a young fellow from Stoke -

- that would warm up his car that's no joke,

He'd always be right -

- pish us off every night,

but in truth was a lovely bloke.

:exit:
 
Last edited:
big soft moose said:
there once was a forum admin called marcel
received one Christmas a parcel
A shiny ban hammer
the splat of many a spammer
meant TP has far fewer arse holes
Click to expand...

Marcel's mate he was Brian
had the heart and balls of a lion
people mess with his forum
he can't just ignore 'em
so he batters them with a club made of iron

Their third musketeer is named Matty
a big bloke but in no way a fatty
when people argue the toss
he shows them who's boss
by giving them a good thorough t***ing

Then of course theres sweet little Yv
face of angel, but brain like a sieve
a member was naughty
called her shorty
it still aint certain he'll live

:exit:
 
There was this fine girl from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She'd lay on her bed
And opened her legs
And pee all over the ceiling

If I am not mistaken, this was from Bridget Jones Diaries, the movie :)
 
There once was a man from Japan
whose limericks never would scan.
When people asked why
he replied, with a sigh:
"Well, I'm not really sure to be honest, but my tentative hypothesis is that it might be something to do with the fact that I always try to squeeze as many words into the last line as I possibly can. "

Sent from my HTC One using Talk Photography Forums mobile app
 
I believe this may be one of Spike Milligan's......

There was a young man from Dundee
Who got stung on the knee by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said No, not a bit
It can do it again if it likes.
 
There was a young man from Gotham
Who took out his (eye?) balls to wash 'em
His wife said jack if you dont put 'em back
I'll put 'em on the floor and squash 'em!

There was a young lady from Darjeeling
who had a peculiar feeling
so she lay on her back opened a sack:whistle:
And weed all over the ceiling.


Wasnt me,honest! It was somebody else. Bloody hackers!:nuts:
 
There was a young man from Cheam
Who invented a wanking machine
On the 99th stroke
the bloody thing broke
and whipped up his balls to a cream

There was a young lady called Jill
tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina
in north Carolina
and her tits up a tree in Brazil
 
There once was a user of Nikon
That Canonites usèd to pick on
But the shots that he got
Made all theirs look like snot
Had got on the subjects they'd clicked on.
 
There was a young lady called Dodd
Who wanted a baby from God
but it wasnt the almighty,
who lifted her nightie,
it was the vicar, the randy old sod
 
There was a young man from Greece
Who fiddled around with his niece
His brother found out & gave him a clout
But not before calling the police.
 
Chris Wilson said:
There was a young man form Nantucket.............over to you!!
Click to expand...
As you asked, with suitable swear filtering:

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
wiping ***** from his chin
If my ear was a **** I could **** it.
 
There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back, played with her crack,
and come all over the ceiling!
 
The randy old Bishop of Birmingham
Once buggered two girls while confirming 'em
As they knelt on the hassock
He unbuttoned his cassock
And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'em!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top