NSFW The TP limerick thread

A guy from old Aberdare
Was doing a girl on the stair
When the bannister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid air.
 
There was a young lady from Neath,
Who circumcised men with her teeth.
It wasn't for meat
That she gave them a treat
But for cheese that she found underneath
 
:puke:
 
There was a young man called Dave
Who dug up a whore from a grave
she was falling to bits
and missing both t**s
but think of the money he saved.

:jawdrop:
 
A lad from Chipping Norton
's tool was a terribly short 'un
To make up for this lack
He had a full sack
and a stroke like a 650 Norton.
 
similar:

There was a young lady called Morton
who had one long t**
and one short one
on top of all that
a big hairy tw**
and a fart like a 650 Norton
 
There once was a man from Madras
who had a remarkable ass
not pretty and pink
as you may think
but was grey, had long ears and eat grass
 
There was a young man from Devizes
had balls of two different sizes
one was so small,
it was no ball at all
but the other won several prizes
 
There was a young man from France
who adopted an unusual stance
with cheeks spread apart
he forced out a fart
and left skidmarks all over his pants

I'll get me coat.
:coat:
 
Graham W said:
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why that was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can.
Click to expand...
post #27 rang, they want their limerick back..

There was a young man from bombay
caught a slow boat to China one day
he got pinned to the tiller
by a sex starved gorilla
and China's a bloody long way
 
617 squadron used to have:
There once was a duchess from Bruges
whose c—t was amazingly huge.
Said the king to this dame
as he thunderously came,
“Mon Dieu! Apres moi, le deluge!”
 
There was an old woman from China
Who sailed onboard a liner
She fell on the deck
And twisted her neck
And now she can see behind her.
 
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often.

Mary had a little bike
she rode it back to front, everytime the wheel went round
a spoke went up her ..
I can't remember how that one ends :thinking:

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
 
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bear
 
the grand old duke of rockingham
stood on the bridge at buckingham
watching the stunts
of the c***s in the punts

and the tricks of the pricks
that were f*****g them
 
Mary had a little lamb.
Then her father shot it dead.
It now goes to school with her.
Between two chunks of bread.
 
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