Recent content by Mountkeen

  1. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather. They must be baking in there!
  2. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    Overheard in Tesco “Do we need cat food?” “I’m not sure.” It was our neighbours the Schroedinger’s
  3. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    William Colgate - inventor of the famous brand of toothpaste was born in Hollingbourne in the borough of Maidstone in Kent. The house is notable for having no plaque.
  4. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    Took my son out for his first pint. Got him a Fosters, he didn't like it - I had it, so I got him Carlsberg instead, he didn't like that, so I had it. It was the same with Guinness and cider... By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push his pram...
  5. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated..............but I stand corrected
  6. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    The wife texted yesterday saying she was in casualty. I watched all of it and didn't see her once She's still not home yet and I'm getting really hungry now
  7. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    Car dealerships have re-opened except for BMW. A spokesman was asked when they would be opening... He gave no indication
  8. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    “What would you like?” says the barman. “What would I like?” says Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife.” “No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?” “To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!” “What’s it to...
  9. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    Mocked for being dyslexic? Been there, done that, got the tree sh1t.
  10. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    I just joined the Reincarnation Society. I mean, sure, it was expensive - but hey.........you only live once.
  11. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    Just saw Prince Charles and Camilla heading for Cornwall on the M5 hogging the middle lane. I had no option but to undertake them. I passed the Duchy on the left hand side.
  12. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    I remember going to see Dr Hook back in the 1970s... Worst prostate examination ever.
  13. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    The economic situation in Greece is so bad that all production of tzatziki and taramasalata has been suspended. It's a double-dip recession.
  14. Mountkeen

    The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

    What's got 134 legs and 9 teeth? The queue for Wetherspoons at 6am on Saturday morning
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