At the end of my tether with my dog - Anyone any ideas?

swag72

swag72

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Sara
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Our dog has always been a little timid and wary of people until she knows them, then she's all over them. Recently she has started being really off with hubby and he's getting really upset by it. It's getting to the point where we are going to have to look into getting a 'dog whisperer' or someone like that in.

Now, when he comes home, instead of running down to the car, tail wagging, she disappears under the dining room table (her safe place). He always feeds her and takes her out for walks every morning. I've started doing the horrible things, like putting her into her little house when we go out, so that she doesn't associate him with bad things.

He's never hurt her. He'll play ball with her and she's OK with that. Every night he gives her the dental stick - which she loves. She just acts really scared of him if he gets up and walks by her for example, to get somewhere else.

I'm all out of ideas as to why she may have got like this and how to move her on from there. Anyone any suggestions?
 
swag72 said:
Recently she has started being really off with hubby and he's getting really upset by it.......[snip]
when he comes home, instead of running down to the car, tail wagging, she disappears under the dining room table (her safe place)......[snip]
He's never hurt her. .....[snip]
She just acts really scared of him if he gets up and walks by her for example, to get somewhere else.[snip]

I'm all out of ideas as to why she may have got like this and how to move her on from there. Anyone any suggestions?
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It sounds odd that this change has suddenly come about, she obviously associates him with something bad ... has he ever got cross with her perhaps hurting her by pulling the lead or whatever ... perhaps when out walking with her?
Can you track it back to any particular day and think about anything that happened that day?
I don't think dogs normally cower at a person they know unless there has been a good reason.
 
Hi Sara,

Is it possible your husband hurt or scared her accidentally? (not suggesting anything deliberate at all of course), if not, it may be that she needs a change in structure to make her feel more secure. If she is just hiding from him and not showing any aggression or demonstrating any 'power behaviour' my suggestion is that your husband completely ignore her for a while... no treats, no feeding, no play, not even any eye contact, be completely aloof with her for a week and see if she changes and begins coming to him.

How old is she?
 
Thanks for the ideas - We have spoken at length about this and *think* we can pinpoint it getting really bad after the death of my parents pup that we were looking after.

Steve stayed in for the evening with the pup, and basically she was dying (although we didn't know at the time) - Our dog wouldn't come indoors that evening and it kind of started after that.

Do you think she associates hubby with the other dog dying and she blames him? I am really aware of not trying to put human emotions onto the dog as I keep reading that they live in the now and not what has ahppened before.

Age wise, she's nearly 3. I don't think that he's accidently hurt her. Yes she pulls on the lead and digs holes in the garden sometimes, but we deal with her as we always have. Nothing has changed in that respect.
 
What did the pup die of?
I don't think dogs are aware of "blame" though they may associate something bad with someone.
 
It sounds to me like a trust building exercise again and as such I would try my first suggestion initially. Like gramps said, she probably doesnt hold a grudge or blame (in human terms) your husband for the pups death but there has been a change to the pack and she maybe very unsure about the situation. Patience needed.

she needs calm, confident but kind leadership and maintaining boundaries etc after the ignoring phase.

just my 2pence worth.

PS just to add, dogs have an amazing ability of detecting illness and weakness and kidney failure would probably be very easy to pick up on (for a dog) via smell....ketones, toxins, unusual metabolites and that association may now unfortunately be with your husband.
 
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I really doubt she is blaming your husband.
I would firstly get her checked over by a vet to make sure she isn't somehow in pain somewhere, and associating him with that/worried he will hurt her. Then I'd ask the vet for a behavioural referral, to get some strategies to her 'making friends' with your husband again
 
Headless Lois said:
I really doubt she is blaming your husband.
I would firstly get her checked over by a vet to make sure she isn't somehow in pain somewhere, and associating him with that/worried he will hurt her. Then I'd ask the vet for a behavioural referral, to get some strategies to her 'making friends' with your husband again
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I really wouldn't waste money on that. Many of the so-called dog behaviourists are nothing more than frauds.

Is it possible your husband hurt or scared her accidentally? (not suggesting anything deliberate at all of course), if not, it may be that she needs a change in structure to make her feel more secure. If she is just hiding from him and not showing any aggression or demonstrating any 'power behaviour' my suggestion is that your husband completely ignore her for a while... no treats, no feeding, no play, not even any eye contact, be completely aloof with her for a week and see if she changes and begins coming to him.
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Good advice. I would also remove (or block her access to) the dining room table, so that she can't hide there and reinforce her fears.
 
Do you guys use that anti flee liquid stuff that you put on the back of their neck every month or two? ... my mates dog (really friendly confident happy type of dog) gets really freaked out psychologically for several hours after application, pacing about throwing suspicions betrayal glances at my mate, clearly really upset about how odd it feels, then begrudgingly makes friends again many many hours later... I was shocked to be honest...anyway just wondered if you did, and whether it might affected your dog in a deeper longer lasting way.
 
Have a look at a positive training site such as Dog Pages - there are a lot of VERY experienced dog trainers and behaviourists on there, negative training is banned and they work hard to steer people away from fraud behaviourists. I am no expert but do read a lot about dog training and theory and I think you will find that ignoring is very old fashioned and has been long superseded by kinder methods. If I were you I would speak to a behaviourist, but I would ensure that they were COAPE registered then you know you will be dealing with someone who is well-trained in modern positive methods and doesn't subscribe it disproven and outdated theories which are still unfortunately popular such as dominance theory.
 
Hi Adam, we do use the flea / tick liquid, but she's quite happy with that.

Cheers for that info Sue, I'll have a scout round, but unfortunately living in Spain limits my choice of folks who can help.
 
I agree with the re-establishing the pack order theory, if your hubby is getting upset that she hides from him, she will pick up on that and it becomes catch 22. I know this from experience with my dads dogs after first an older dog died, then my mum passed away. The younger dog went from being a perfectly normall happy dog to a completely withdrawn, scared of anything shadow but who at the same time was, and still is, fiercely protective of my dad. he is a chinese crested and will go for any dog that comes near my dad when out walking & off the lead, no matter how big. I do understand that my dad had suffered the same losses, so instead of being sensible, babied him too much, so don't really blame him. The dog hides from everyone that comes near, although we have walked him with our two, without my dad, off the lead and its like he suddenly remembers to be a normal dog. Totally different because he hasn't got to protect anyone and its not his pack.

So, yes, as above, use the ignoring technique. Also, I can ask my contacts at the charity I do work for if they can recommend any reputable dog trainers in your part of Spain if you want. They have an international 'branch' with contacts in many countries and may know someone.
 
My advice is not to use that tick/flea liquid, it's incredibly dangerous stuff - it's a "systemic" - floods their systems with a flea killer........... there are many other ways to achieve flea/tick control without it
 
this might sound a bit silly, but we had a similar issue with our old dog, it was never any issue with my grandad untill he needed his hip doing, then afterwards once he got the limp she wouldnt go anywhere near him, took a while for her to get over it and would only go near once he was sat down and offered treats to her... dont know if your husband has had any injuries or is in any pain as that can sometimes trigger something in their heads...
 
MadWoman said:
Have a look at a positive training site such as Dog Pages - there are a lot of VERY experienced dog trainers and behaviourists on there, negative training is banned and they work hard to steer people away from fraud behaviourists. I am no expert but do read a lot about dog training and theory and I think you will find that ignoring is very old fashioned and has been long superseded by kinder methods. If I were you I would speak to a behaviourist, but I would ensure that they were COAPE registered then you know you will be dealing with someone who is well-trained in modern positive methods and doesn't subscribe it disproven and outdated theories which are still unfortunately popular such as dominance theory.
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There's nothing outdated about dominance theory, and it isn't a theory anyway, it's a fact.

Dogs are pack animals, they need to have a leader, otherwise they become leader themselves, and that doesn't work when the rest of the pack is human:)

Like children, dogs need to know their boundaries and they need someone who they can look up to and respect. This doesn't mean that they should be treated with cruelty, but it does mean that they need to know who the boss is, so that they can modify their own behaviour instead of forcing the humans to modify their behaviour.

Many years ago, I used to be a problem dog trainer. There was no dog that couldn't be cured of aggressive or other problem dog behaviour with the right approach. Many of the current crop of dog trainers, or behaviourists, or whatever they call themselves, just spout theory that even they don't really understand. And, mostly, it doesn't work.
 
Does your hubby shout or display anger at anything else, football on TV or even an argument with you? There could be some indirect cause, maybe even something new he's wearing or using (new mobile or something) that the dog's senses could be picking up on? (smells, sounds etc)
 
Not going to get in to Pack theory and dominance, each to their own, i live with a pack and dogs and in no way have to dominate them to get what i want, positive kind and reward based training here, and they are all dogs that no one else would have rehomed because of their problems ;) including aggresion.

You don't say if you're dog has been spayed it may well be hormonal coming in to season etc, or it maybe just that she needs time to regain her confidence
 
Lots of good reading here - Our dog was spayed 18 months ago, so it's hopefully not hormonal. She has a sore paw at the moment, so once she's over that, we'll shut the dining room door and try out some ideas. I knew you guys would help - Thank you (y)
 
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