Post a joke

S

Steve

Guest
Keep it reasonable as this is a family forum..lets see if you can make us all smile..

Little girl being told of for wetting herself in class..

Teacher says "Why didn't you put your hand up?"

"I did but it keep running through my fingers"

:LOL: :LOL:
 
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's O.K. I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions"

Girl: "O.K."

Medic: "What's your name"

Girl: "Sharon"

Medic: "O.K. Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes"

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate"
 
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world"
Tom Thumb said "I must be the smallest person in the world"
Quasimodo said "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world"

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world!"
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant "I am officially the smallest person in the world!"
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said "Who the hell is Camilla Parker-Bowles?!"
 
:LOL: A man walks into an Opticians and says: "Can you help me, I think I'm a Moth!"
"A Moth!" says the Optician "You don't need an Optician, you need a Psychiatrist. Why did you come in here?"
The man replies "Your light was on!"
 
Not sure if this is ok but this is the only joke I can think of at the moment. Seeing as these forums are predominately male, not sure how this one will go over, but it's a joke right,lol.

QUESTION: Why are men like floor tiles?


ANSWER: You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life. [smilie=l:

Jewel.
 
Not bad Jewel :LOL: It's a shame so many fail the first time :wink:

One for the older people..

What goes Click-Click..have I done it yet?


A blind man doing a Rubiks Cube :D
 
Anyone who remembers what a Rubiks cube is :)
 
I had me a rubiks cube, :? I don't consider myself old though!
Anyway here's another joke for you guys.

QUESTION: Why was the blonde so happy when she had finished her puzzle in six months?

ANSWER: Cause on the box it said 2-3 yrs :p

Cheers guys, Jewel
 
Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
Other nun says, "Neither have I. It's probably the cobbles."
 
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home? " he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed
the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."
 
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
 
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start
> their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
> kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You
> don't know me but I've come to....''
>
> ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
> ''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a
> specialty of babies.''
>
> ''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
> seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
>
> ''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
> couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
> is fun too; you can really spread out.''
>
> ''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''
>
> ''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
> we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
> angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''
>
> ''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
> ''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be
> in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
> sure.''
>
> ''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his
> briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was
> done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''
>
> ''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>
> ''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider
> their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed
> Mrs. Smith the picture.
> ''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.
> ''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
> the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
> pushing to get a good look.''
>
> ''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>
> ''Yes,'' the photographer said.
>
> ''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly
> squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness
> approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels
> began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith
> leaned forward.
>
> ''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment ?''
>
> ''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
> that we can get to work.''
>
> ''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
>
> ''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
> big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ?
> Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''
 
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