The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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The clue is in the belt that appears to be being worn by what I'm guessing is the young lady who bore the brunt of the impact. Had the belt not been visible, I would have surmised that she was being given a "reet gud seein' to"!
 
Nod said:
The clue is in the belt that appears to be being worn by what I'm guessing is the young lady who bore the brunt of the impact. Had the belt not been visible, I would have surmised that she was being given a "reet gud seein' to"!
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I posit to you that it is feasible that the lady (if such it was) could have been wearing some form of shortened attire that could have facilitated access without removal.
 
Dirty bastards ,who the hell has a Volvo an doesn't clean it :police:
 
I went to the off licence on my bike, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bike, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off seven times on the way home.
 
Seen on a pest control forum with the line
"Tired pigeon being helped to his destination by a helpful Peregrine"

See there are some good birds after all :D

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ianp5a said:
That's stupid. They are already developed!

I just had to make a negative comment.
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I suppose it's too late to fix it.
 
Anyone know why images posted by Gremlin won't show up in the app for me?
Using Oneplus 5, latest firmware.

To see them (and they are always worth seeing [emoji12] ) I have to open the thread in a browser.
 
Quoth said:
Anyone know why images posted by Gremlin won't show up in the app for me?
Using Oneplus 5, latest firmware.

To see them (and they are always worth seeing [emoji12] ) I have to open the thread in a browser.
Click to expand...
They don't show for me either.
 
Me neither
 
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
 
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A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse.

"I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare.

"Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.

"Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth.

"Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot?". So the dealer lifts him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny and pulls him out a few seconds later.

"I'll reefwaze that, Can I thee her wun awound?" ...
 
1. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;
Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our gardener ran away!

3. A young boy askshis Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?
*Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that.Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman;
“Which book has helped you most in your life?”
*The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!”

5. A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? *Sales Girl: “Sir, Fiction and comedy on the 1st floor!"

6. Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love." What’s the secret?"
Old man: I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!
 
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