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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- Jim
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I now wish I hadn't googled that to figure out the joke...
OP
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- The real Chris
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- dave
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The inventor of the first speedboat has died.
The funeral is tomorrow,
followed by the wake.
The funeral is tomorrow,
followed by the wake.
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- Steve
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Damn I must be getting old.... I had to think about this for nearlh a whole minute [emoji56]
DorsetDude
Spud
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- Keith
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- Steve
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Where did you get that picture of my first wife?
DorsetDude
Spud
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- Keith
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Just walked past the local bulimics club. The place was heaving.
Steep
Nutcrack Rapids
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- Hugh
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It was actually his second try, so even more of a pillock.
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- dave
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Every morning this German Shepherd jumps over my fence and does a poo in my garden
Bloody Hell!!, this morning, he brought his dog with him.
Bloody Hell!!, this morning, he brought his dog with him.
DorsetDude
Spud
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- Jeff
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Ha Ha, wait, wut!
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Gremlin
Houdini
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A woman went to her priest with a problem.
“Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing.
All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?’ ”
“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.
His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots.
The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away brother, our prayers have been answered!
“Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing.
All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?’ ”
“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.
His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots.
The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away brother, our prayers have been answered!
DorsetDude
Spud
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- Keith
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Reminds me of this one(Ive probably posted before)
A woman goes to buy a parrot and the shop owner tells her, "We've got 3 for sale, Male African Grey for £300, Norwegian Blue for £250 and this Red one for £30."
"Why is the red one so cheap?" asks the woman?
"Well, he used to live in a brothel and uses a lot of foul language" says the owner.
The woman thinks this is funny and decides to buy the Red. When she gets it home and takes the cover off the cage the parrot says "F*** me a new brothel!"
The woman laughs.
The parrot then sees the woman and says "F*** me a new madam!"
The woman laughs again.
A bit later the womans two daughters come home and the parrot says "F*** me new girls!"
They all laugh.
Later that evening they are waiting to see what the parrot will say when the husband comes in. The husband comes home, the parrot cocks his head and looks at him and says "F*** me Dave, long time no see!"
A woman goes to buy a parrot and the shop owner tells her, "We've got 3 for sale, Male African Grey for £300, Norwegian Blue for £250 and this Red one for £30."
"Why is the red one so cheap?" asks the woman?
"Well, he used to live in a brothel and uses a lot of foul language" says the owner.
The woman thinks this is funny and decides to buy the Red. When she gets it home and takes the cover off the cage the parrot says "F*** me a new brothel!"
The woman laughs.
The parrot then sees the woman and says "F*** me a new madam!"
The woman laughs again.
A bit later the womans two daughters come home and the parrot says "F*** me new girls!"
They all laugh.
Later that evening they are waiting to see what the parrot will say when the husband comes in. The husband comes home, the parrot cocks his head and looks at him and says "F*** me Dave, long time no see!"
OP
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- The real Chris
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Indeed either you or someone else, but its still worthy of a little chuckle
