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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
OP
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- 115,214
- Name
- The real Chris
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- No
I just pour it on the lawn, and it comes up half cut
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- 9,634
- Name
- Steve
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- Yes
The Boris edition has "Free Pass" on all those squares....
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- 30,315
- Name
- George.
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A violinist went to sleep. His dream was like this: An angel appeared from the skies and told him:"I have two pieces of news to tell you. One is good news and the other one is bad news . With which one should I start?" And the violinist replied: "With the good one". The angel continues: "After you die you will go to heaven. And in heaven you will be sitting besides Paganini, in the heaven´s Orchestra.". The violinist, stunned with this amazing news, asked about the bad news, and the angel replied: "The bad news is that your first rehearsal starts tomorrow".
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
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- 5,932
- Name
- Heather
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- Yes
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- 30,315
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- George.
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A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall, he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open. Just then another man flies by him, going up. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" The man replies, "No, you know anything about dynamite?"
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- 9,418
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Look at it this way: it hasn't slowed you down...
ancient_mariner
Moderator
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- 23,751
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- Toni
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You have to admit that it's not stopping you.
- Messages
- 30,315
- Name
- George.
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It is 2:00 am. There are a half dozen empty vodka bottles lying on the dimly-lit street. Two men standing in the middle of street have been arguing that the other man is more drunk. Finally, one man said to the other, “If you are not drunk, then climb up this column," pointing to the vertical beam of light that the flashlight in this right hand makes. Thinking a bit, the other man stuttered, “I am not that stupid. If I climb up to the top and you turn off the light, I will surely fall to my death!”
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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- 2,648
- Name
- Roy
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My shed was broken into last night.
I had a shelf full of Dusty Springfield memorabilia which was all stolen.
I don't know just what to do with my shelf.. . . .
I had a shelf full of Dusty Springfield memorabilia which was all stolen.
I don't know just what to do with my shelf.. . . .
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- 9,418
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I knew a man who claimed he saw him move but I always thought he was static...
Nod
Tootles
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- 45,895
- Name
- Nod (UK)
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They run a pub together.
