The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Petrochemist said:
I hope you'll get to open one anyway, as you don't seem to have had any guesses yet :rolleyes:
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I would have had a go but not sure if he refers to big grey one or the black one that’s photobombed the snap.
 
Petrochemist said:
I hope you'll get to open one anyway, as you don't seem to have had any guesses yet :rolleyes:
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Probably won't be opening one for just over 3 weeks - can't afford to drink in the UK!
 
Nod said:
Probably won't be opening one for just over 3 weeks - can't afford to drink in the UK!
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I can understand that Not much I can afford these days!
At least I managed to push my average fuel consumption up to 68.8 mpg last week, which saved me over a gallon of diesel & paid for a few cheaper bottles. (Fortunately I was able to bypass the garage charging £1.859 a litre)
 
Both our ICE cars are closer to 32 than 69... However, they both give us enjoyment and we use the EV as much as possible, especially round town.
 
Back to jokes.

Peugeot 108...
 
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Q. How can a woman anger and please a man with the same statement?

A. By saying "You've got a bigger thingy than your brother."
 
Two doctors are on a golf course at the tenth hole. One of them looks up in the trees and sees an owl asleep on a branch. One doctor says to the other, "I'll bet you $100 I can give that owl a vasectomy and that owl won't even wake up." The other doctor says, "You've got a bet." The first doctor climbs up the tree, does the operation, and comes down from the tree. The owl never wakes up. The second doctor, not to be outdone, says, "I bet you the same that I can give that owl a tonsillectomy and he won't wake up." The second doctor climbs up the tree, does his operation, and the owl never wakes up. An hour later, the owl wakes up, flies to another tree, sees another owl and tells him, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in that tree by the tenth hole, because when I woke up after a nap, I couldn't hoot worth a f**k or f**k worth a hoot!"
 
Cobra said:
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Pretty sure some people will find this tale funny... (In hindsight, so do I!!!)

A couple of years ago, a combination of sea and sand scraped the sunscreen off the tops of my feet and I ended up with a sunburn pattern just like the one shown! Tip - BioOil gel is a great aftersun!!!


Edit to correct a typo I missed earlier.
 
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  • Haha
Reactions: RIR
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A young man walks up to his granny and asks her, "Granny, have you seen my pills? They're marked LSD." She replies, "Forget the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen!?"
 
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