The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Going into a teenager's room is like taking a trip to Ikea.
You pop in for a look and end up leaving with five cups, two plates, three bowls, four towels and some cutlery
 
While golfing last week, I accidentally overturned my golf cart and caused quite a serious accident. By chance, a very attractive young lady, whose garden adjoined the course, heard all the commotion and hurried out of her house and down the garden, calling out, "Are you all right?”

"I think I'm okay, thanks," I replied, pulling myself from the wreckage of the twisted vehicle and strolling coolly towards her.

"Hop over the fence and come up to my place and you can rest a while; you've had a nasty shock and I can help you deal with the cart later," she purred. At this stage, I confess, I couldn't help but notice her silky bathrobe that revealed hints of what appeared to be a very shapely figure.

"That's awfully kind of you," I answered," but I don't think my wife would approve.”

"Oh, come now " she insisted. She was so pretty--so very persuasive--that I began to waver. A wink of her eye later and my moral fortitude collapsed. "Well, okay," I finally agreed, vaulting over the wooden fence and following hot on her heels.

After a couple of glasses of Scotch, laid out on her sofa with my head on her lap, I thanked her for all she had done and told her, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset about all this--she's almost certainly waiting for me and I think that I had better go.”

"Must you really leave so soon?" she asked with a grin, letting her robe fall slightly open. "Stay for a while, won't you? Your wife won't know a thing about any of this. And where is she anyway?”

Pouring myself another drink I replied, "Still under the golf cart, I assume,"
 
I named my new dog ''Ford". Now he is guaranteed to never leave the driveway:)
 
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Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do.
He spots Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on the roof of her apartment.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell,
I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her.
After all he is Superman.
So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman says jeeez what the hell was that"
The invisible man says, "I don't know but, my arse hurts like hell!
 
Gremlin said:
I named my new dog ''Ford". Now he is guaranteed to never leave the driveway:)
Click to expand...
:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
But I don't think "he" visits this section :D
 
Cobra said:
Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do.
He spots Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on the roof of her apartment.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell,
I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her.
After all he is Superman.
So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman says jeeez what the hell was that"
The invisible man says, "I don't know but, my arse hurts like hell!
Click to expand...
The 70's sent a cable. "GIVE US OUR JOKE BACK STOP PLEASE STOP STOP"
 
ianp5a said:
The 70's sent a cable. "GIVE US OUR JOKE BACK STOP PLEASE STOP STOP"
Click to expand...
I was just remind of it when Ingrid @Gremlin posted hers, besides not everyone is as old as you, and may not have seen it before :p
 
Yes. No that's fine. Look after the youngsters. You might have to explain who the invisible man is though.
 
I call my dog ,but he totally ignores me ,:naughty:
 
You mean you're bald because you've torn all your hair out, Keith?
 
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