The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Ooh, So Dirty!
 
Possibly a repost (but an apt one!)

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An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for the doctor. He turns up 2 days later with an empty jar. The nurse asks "why no sperm sample". He says "sorry, I tried with my right hand then my left then my wife tried with both hands and then her mouth, at first with her teeth in and then without. Then we got Ethel from next door to try, but it was no good, we just can't get the jar open!
 
Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
 
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An elderly man approached an attractive young woman in a supermarket.
'Excuse me," he said, 'I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman felt sorry for the old man and said, 'Of course. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a young woman like you, she seems to suddenly appear out of nowhere.'
 
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