The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

In today's news: the finance director of Patisserie Valerie has been arrested.

Apparently police discovered unusual turnover.
He was also suspected of handling stollen goods, cooking the books, and creaming off the profits.
He many have transferred the dough into an offshore account.

Officers say that apprehending him was a piece of cake.
He may go to Belmarshmallow prison.
 
The
StewartR said:
In today's news: the finance director of Patisserie Valerie has been arrested.

Apparently police discovered unusual turnover.
He was also suspected of handling stollen goods, cooking the books, and creaming off the profits.
He many have transferred the dough into an offshore account.

Officers say that apprehending him was a piece of cake.
He may go to Belmarshmallow prison.
Click to expand...

Oh dear, oh dear............:bat::bat::runaway: you're having a yolk aren't you :LOL:
 
Last edited:
Box Brownie said:
The

Oh dear, oh dear............:bat::bat::runaway: you're having a yolk aren't you :LOL:
Click to expand...

Eggsactly...oh well, back to the dirty jokes

Tickle me Elmo, the friendly doll who chortles when you stroke him.

A new employee starts on the production line, and it is not long before it is in chaos. Dolls fallen to the ground, piled up, and the conveyor belt jammed.
The manager asks the works foreman what the ----is going on.
So the foreman sees what the new employee is doing. she has a stack of marbles and a sewing machine and is attatching two marbles in a pouch to each doll.
"No, no, no. your job is to give each doll two test tickles"
 
Shouldn't #4 be a urine bottle?
 
Best racehorse name ever
 
Having once fed a camel at a zoo the child is going to be in a right state. The camel I fed took all on my hand and a good few inches of my wrist into its soft, warm mouth. After taking the food I got my hand back completely unharmed but looking as if someone had sneezed all over it.

Dave
 
As a kid, probably much of an age as the one in the photo, I had my head engulfed by a camel's mouth. As Dave said, I looked (and felt!) like I'd been sneezed on several times but was completely unhurt. No photo!
 
Not exactly safe for work ... maybe
click to expand ;)

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44211058_2011311722310307_3548435919063220224_n.jpg
 
Went to the barber yesterday and told the guy I wanted my hair cut like Tom Cruise.

He gave me a cushion to sit on.
 
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