The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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FLAWLESS MALE LOGIC

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: So, where's your Ferrari?
 
Santa the brown nosed reindeer driver!

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Outside the Shoe Shop
Vera; "Norman, I'll just pop in here to try some shoes on, what will you do ?"


Me; "I'll just drive to Llandudno, spend three days there and perhaps climb a mountain, I will be waiting here when you come out"
 
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I’ve just been to the gym and there's a fantastic new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel a bit sick from using it so much, but it's really great. It has KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
 
Dinosaurs died out because they always roar at their prey before attacking. If TV is to be believed. And the prey would just run away.
 
"You should be very thankful that you are not part of this family on Christmas morning!!

A reminder that not all children grow up in fortunate circumstances. Told first hand by an upright member of the family......................

When I was a child, my father cheated on my mother and didn't love her. Later, my parents divorced.

My mother died in a car accident, and my brother and I had to live in my grandma's old house.

Grandma’s sister was an alcoholic.

The whole family lived on my grandma's savings.

Grandma died recently.

My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day.

My brother left home and won’t talk to us anymore.

Dad, now 73, had to go to work to support the family, and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing.

Yours sincerely,
Prince William"

All the best for the New Year Mike
 
If I had an electric car I'd be doing the same.
 
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