The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ShinySideUp]

Way to put someone off pizza!

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[Mountkeen]

I was busy in my garden and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?”

I said “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...”

She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!”

Oh that's easy I said, “Its right next to the sage.”

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Steep]

 

[Cordy]

Just so we're clear, I have no problem With the LG HDTV Community.

 

[kendo1]

 

[Nod]

 

[Box Brownie]

View attachment 379451

Hmmm! more so perhaps that it is between two lots of Doom Bar.......

 

[Nod]

Looks like it's Newcastle Brown Ale that's missing from the shelves though!

 

[hunnymonster]

Looks like it's Newcastle Brown Ale that's missing from the shelves though!

A good 4-6 cases of John Smith's tinned wind too. Poor fools

 

[Mag1cp2x]

 

[Norkie]

 

[Norkie]

 

[Cobra]

I hurt my arm this morning and had to go to hospital for an x-ray,
as I was sitting waiting to be seen, the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!"
I was like, eh?!?!.,
I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!"
I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?"


He says," no this is the Burns unit" !

 

[Cockney]

I hurt my arm this morning and had to go to hospital for an x-ray,
as I was sitting waiting to be seen, the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!"
I was like, eh?!?!.,
I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!"
I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?"


He says," no this is the Burns unit" !

Groan.

 

[Mountkeen]

In town today I saw the lead singer of Showaddywaddy in Lakeland with his Wife looking for a frying pan.

“Which one shall we buy?” she asked.

He replied “Let’s go for a little wok”….







I’ll get my coat..........

 

[Jelster]

In town today I saw the lead singer of Showaddywaddy in Lakeland with his Wife looking for a frying pan.

“Which one shall we buy?” she asked.

He replied “Let’s go for a little wok”….







I’ll get my coat..........

Some people say his shoes are crape, I think they're alright myself.....

(Didn't we used to have a "I'll get my coat" smiley???

 

[Marc]

Some people say his shoes are crape, I think they're alright myself.....

(Didn't we used to have a "I'll get my coat" smiley???

 

[Brendan Mulachy]

 

[imattersuk]

View: https://BANNED/SattyMootien1/status/1618312219896209410?s=20&t=Ik29GnSjOlNux670hD3Dug

 

[Mountkeen]

 

[ShinySideUp]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

Saint Peter meets a new arrival at the Pearly Gates and asks his name.

“Aye, ma name be Alastair MacTavish, that it is, och aye”.

“Clear off”, says Saint Peter, “we’re not going to start making porridge for one !”

 

[Norkie]

 

[Nod]

 

[Mountkeen]

I was walking past the local branch of the Cats Protection League when I noticed they had a Pedigree Netherlands available for rehoming.

I'd never heard of that breed before so I went inside and asked, "How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

 

[Nod]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[carper]

My teacher always said not to worry about proper spelling, because we have autocorrect. And for this I am...
...infernally grapefruit!

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Nod]

I prefer Blazing Saddles!

 

[ancient_mariner]

My teacher always said not to worry about proper spelling, because we have autocorrect. And for this I am...
...infernally grapefruit!

I'm forever grapefruit for this joke.

 

[Steep]