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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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Nod
Tootles
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Tringa
Numpty of the Day'
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- Dave
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My girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the internet.
I said I was seeing if I could find some cheap flights for next week. I was very happy she was so enthusiastic about it as it is the first time she has shown any interest in darts.
Dave
I said I was seeing if I could find some cheap flights for next week. I was very happy she was so enthusiastic about it as it is the first time she has shown any interest in darts.
Dave
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A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing 1000 Quid bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers; they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said
"I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay"; grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....
six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
I Am a
Tax man
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers; they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said
"I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay"; grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....
six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
I Am a
Tax man
Nod
Tootles
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- Nod (UK)
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Deleted before I repeat it!!!
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Thinking of changing my name to Spider-Man
not because I have any allusions to being a super hero
it’s just these days I have trouble
getting out of the bath
not because I have any allusions to being a super hero
it’s just these days I have trouble
getting out of the bath
Nod
Tootles
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We have no Lidl in Richmond (closest is St Margarets), and thankfully no Morrison's or Asda either....as a result the shop in town to avoid is Tesco.
ancient_mariner
Moderator
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I like Tesco stores, they keep the riffraff out of Waitrose …We have no Lidl in Richmond (closest is St Margarets), and thankfully no Morrison's or Asda either....as a result the shop in town to avoid is Tesco.
I really thought it was the other way round based on our local stores….
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