The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A hippie in a bus sees a very beautiful lady and he goes to the lady and asks " can I do my way with you? " and the lady replies by saying "sorry i cant so that i am a nun my body and soul belongs to the lord" the hippie then walks away and exits the bus cause they have arrived and his bus stop but gets stopped by the bus driver " you know that nun always goes to the cemetery and prays so you should go there dressed up like jesus and ask her to do your way with her" says the bus driver the hippie says okay and waits till midnight and goes to the cemetery and sees the nun praying then he put his jesus outfit and asks the nun to do her way with her and he shall forgiver her sins and she says yes but do it from behind so i will not lose my virginity and they start to make love and when they were done the hippie rips his outfit of and says surprise its me the hippie! and then the nun rips her dress of and screams surprise its me the bus~driver!
 
There is just enough time to get this one in again, before the weather turns (Allegedly)

Hot.jpg
 
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck,
walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque.

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.
The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bulls***tin' me???"
The social worker said, . . you started it.
 
A young lad is going out one evening, when his dad asks "where are you going son?"
"I'm going to meet a girl, dad" replies the son.
"Ah, OK" replies his dad thoughtfully "Well, make sure you wear a, er.. you know?"
"What do you mean dad?"
"..you know son, make sure you wear a.. you know what I mean..?" Says the dad uncomfortably.
"Do you mean a condom dad?" Says the son.
"No!" Says the dad, "I mean a hat, you ginger c**t!"
 
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