365 : A self portrait every day for one year

The forum RSS train will be stopping at this station very shortly. I posted it to flickr 2 minutes ago.
 
353.365 : This stops....now!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



OMG I weighed myself tonight.
Now I stupidly weighed myself at night, when Im heaviest. I needed a wee too :p which is a good couple of pounds.
And I hadn't long since eaten either, which never helps, so it's about the highest reading I can get.

However it shocked me.
I've been seriously overweight before, I hit 22 stone in 2004 when I was suffering from a previous bout of depression. I managed to lose around 5 1/2 stone eventually, by april 2005 ish, through appetite suppressants, good diet, and regular exercise.
I did let it slip though, and here we are, 2008.

I've teetered in the 20st to 20st 10 range all year, yet I've spoken of my previous weight loss like it's a current thing. "When I was big last time", and "When I was 22 stone", sort of kidding myself that because I haven't hit 22 stone, then it hasn't happened again.

Well I'm ashamed to even admit tonights reading. 21st 6 1/4. Like I said, this is the heaviest reading I can get (for the 3 above-mentioned reasons), and I'm sure in the morning it will be about 20st 11ish (like it was yesterday morning).
However, I've had enough.
I'm sick of being a fatty. I'm looking at normal sized people on the street, and on TV with envy, thinking 'I can't buy those clothes', or 'I can't do x or y' etc, and it's starting to get me down.

It doesn't help that I am the worlds worst procrastinator who constantly puts things off because I just get very 'meh'.
It's like I'm caught in a swirling pool and Im drowning.

My weight is going up, it's killed my self confidence, it creates tiredness and a general lack of motivation, and creates a vicious circle.
I sit at home, and Im in this absolutely horrible routine of late nights, anti-socialness, sitting at my PC...sorry, MAC, all day. I say its because I've got lots to do, and tbh I do fill the time on there. It's where I watch all my TV and films (rarely watch the actual live TV now), it's where my main circle of friends are, my main social network. I do a hell of alot of work on the forum I run, meaning Im sat down all day.

And it creates this routine, which I just can't seem to break out of.
I can't even say 'right, tomorrow, I'll go to the gym' because the kids are off school. I could take them to the park, but I know I will just want to sit down while we're there.

I've become incredibly physically lazy, and I want out.
I want to be one of those people who just bustles with energy, has a zest for life, is always on the go with a smile.
Why can't I be that person? Is it genetic? Is it social? Is it *all* self made?

Last time I lost the weight (see there I go again), I was kick started partly by my anti-depressant medication (which I think was a good starting point), but mostly by watching Super-Size Me, by Morgan Spurlock. I just watched it in horror, and said 'That's it...no more McDonalds (it was going to be another year before I ate a McDonalds), and I went really healthy. I ate well, I exercised regularly-ish (once or twice a week at the gym), and I didn't find it hard at all. I found it VERY easy to say no to food.

Now I just can't. I'll be sat here and think 'sod it, i'll have a sarnie' or maybe some soup or something.
And I'll watch a little episode of something while I eat. It can be an episode of Lost, or Heros, or a quickie, like a 20 minute comedy show.

Why can't I say no? Why do I let the f***-factor take over? I just say 'ah f*** it, can't be arsed, i want something to eat'.

Ive had enough of being trapped in this fat, horrible body and I want out...out...out. My knees ache all the time (I had bad knees as a child and have done all my life, but Im sure that my weight is now the root cause of any aches and pains). The bed creaks at night, I can't get comfy. I haven't had a good, proper sleep in aaages. Not really.
T-shirts are getting tighter. I only have a core of 5 or so t-shirts that are either xxl or xxxl which fit me (and arent tight around the middle...i cant stand t-shirts tht arent baggy). Jeans are getting tighter. I'll be back in my fat mans pants if this carries on...I just want out.

You see, at this point, it's now 00:30. I'd post this, then think 'Hmmm, maybe a cup-a-soup and an episode of something', and end up eating, then fannying about until 3 am when Id finally think 'sod it, can't be bothered, i'm going to bed'.

Sorry, it's turned into one of 'those' 365's (OK I don't have many :p), its a self-critical rant.
I run a website with 12,000 members who in some way feel like they know me as the admin of the forum. I don't say that in a big headed way at all, but they know me, and I'm pouring this out to them all (and you lot on flickr).

There are people/parents from my kids school who read this too, and while Im not ashamed of what I type, I really don't want to lie, I just want to be as honest as possible.
Some would say 'Don't reveal so much about yourself in public' and to them I say 'Oh shut it, even if you are right'. Should I be revealing so much of my inner thoughts?
Well, considering this was one of the reasons I started this 365 was to overcome many of my personal problems and inadequacies, then yes, yes I should. I must be mad. I bet those who know me in my real life (who I would never dare be so open to like this), are sat thinking 'OMG what a freak!'.

Just let me say this to everyone reading. We're all human, and I bet throughout the course of every one of your lives, you have felt similar thoughts to me. Maybe not in as much detail, maybe not as strong, but it goes to show, we're ALL human, we all have our faults, and we all need to learn to be happy with ourselves.

You see there's my problem. I constantly flick between two thoughts.
One : I'm obese and I need to do something about it, desperately. It's not good for me, it's not good for my health, it's killing my self confidence.
or
Two : I'm fat. So what? It's me. Accept me for who I am, and if you don't like it. Tough! Pass me the cream cakes and talk to the hand..I'm happy with me just the way I am.

See my dilemma? Both are equally valid trains of thought. Am I worrying about my wieght to please me? Or am I worrying because of my constant desire to be liked by others? Another trait and byproduct from my self-conscious thought processes.

Who knows. What I do know is this. I'm gonna go to bed before I find myself walking in the kitchen and making some toast.

081221_5698


More...
 
Dude, I've been to that weight :( but then i came back down again :D

Good 365 (y)

Tony
 
355.365 : Look what I found!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:




Remember a few years ago there was an outbreak of vanilla cola.
Well I loved it, but unfortunately everywhere stopped making it. Coca-Cola, Asda etc. It ended up disappearing off the shelves :(

Well tonight, on our way back from a friends house I popped to a local petrol station to get me some Christmas diesel.
And what did I happen upon...bottles of this stuff, 2 for 80p. Spar vanilla cola......yum!

Two more sleeps and the fat guy will be making his rounds :D

Giggidy!

081224_5704


More...
 
354.365 : Film and a takeaway


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



A quiet night in tonight. We had to nip to some friends earlier so got back too late to cook anything for tea.
So the kids had McDonalds, and my wife and I got a chinese.

Hardly appropriate given last night's 365 eh?
Well, I've been thinking today, with a much clearer head.
I think I might try the New Years Resolution route. If I plan for it, and not just make a resolution to 'diet', but make a resolution to make positive changes within my life. Mostly small meaningful ones but lots of them, then I think I can do it.

Firstly, thanks for the kind comments after last night's 'rantathon' :) I will respond to them tomorrow (Getting an early night in a mo), theyve helped give me some inspiration and an idea of how to beat it.
Not as one long project, but day by day...even hour by hour. I can manage that! Here's hoping eh?

Well tonight, I enjoyed the chinese takeaway (and as is customary, have half of it put away for dinnertime tomorrow lol)

See you tomorrow, I've half watched the Quantum of Solace, and I'm nodding off so, have done this 365 and I'm taking myself to bed while I feel tired.

Goodnight!

081222_5701


More...
 
Very honest words from you Marcel.

It is hard to push yourself sometimes but the effort can be worth it.

We all know your love of photography so one idea would be to go for a walk each day taking the camera with you and recording what you see on your walk. Could be another 365 in the making! That would help in so many ways M8.

Of course Sex helps burn the calories!!!!! :nuts::naughty:
 
It'll rot ya insides ya know!


:D
But at least his insides will be larger as well as rotten .... 2 litres of Coke is roughly equivalent to 3 Mars bars ... :puke:
 
Marcel, I missed one of your 365's :(

Was you late at posting it or was Flickr playing up?

Anyways on to your 365 :)

I'm still waiting to see how Santa will get in to my house, when i have no Chimney, no doors left unlocked. I've been told his a locksmith as well. Dunno though :D:D
 
Flickr sort of played up, and didnt post, so i had to do some forum wizardry to squeeze it in :)
 
You clever sir :LOL: clever sir you. i dunno :LOL:

Happy Christmas to you and your family (y)
 
Very honest words from you Marcel.

It is hard to push yourself sometimes but the effort can be worth it.

We all know your love of photography so one idea would be to go for a walk each day taking the camera with you and recording what you see on your walk. Could be another 365 in the making! That would help in so many ways M8.

:agree: A good excuse to get a longer lens for the birds too ;)

You have done an excellent job this year with this thread. Merry Christmas to you and yours from us :)
 
356.365 : Looking for fairies


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



My mum used to do this with me, and we now do it with our children (with a couple of new traditions that I've added to our family).

Christmas Eve, just before bedtime, the children have a bath and then open one present. (Always new pyjamas, a present from their mum and I).

Then we track Santa online at noradsanta.com, to see where he's been, and where he's up to.
After that it's outside to throw 'fairy dust' over the front garden and up the path (Oats put through a foor processor, with glitter added ;)). They knew I'd made it, but I made sure they knew why.
The reindeer will be attracted to the smell of the oats, and the glitter will help Santa find his way from the sky. I told them they have to make a special christmas wish too, to add to the magic.

Finally, after putting the carrot, mince pie, and glass of milk out for Santa and Rudolph, we all go upstairs, turn the lights out and sit at the bedroom window, looking for Santa's fairies.
You see, he has not just reindeer and elves to help him, but fairies too. They are all around, everywhere. Hiding behind chimney tops, in trees, under bushes. All keeping an eye on the children, making sure they go to bed early.
They're very shy though, and very quick, so you have to be on your toes to catch them.
Because theyre so small, they might look like little twinkling lights. There's usually a few in the sky too.
My daughter saw 7 tonight, and my son saw 4. Louise saw 1 and I saw 2. Quite a productive night! :D

Anyway, I must go and prepare the veggies for tomorrow. Sprouts are already done, just need to slice the carrots, prepare the pigs in blankets, and everything is done!

Then I can sit down for a nice evening glass of hot mulled wine and a film :D

Hope you all get an early night, and I hope you've all been good boys and girls! Santa is on his way!!!! YAY!!!!

081224_5717


More...
 
357.365 : Merry Christmas!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



*Belch*. Oops, please excuse my manners :)

I've just finished Christmas dinner, which I single handedly cooked I might add (for 6....my wife and I, our two children, and my mum and stepdad).

I started cooking this morning at about 10am. Here's the full list of what I cooked

* Turkey, cooked in a white wine stock type thing (it's kinda part roasted part steamed), finished off and browned in a butter baste.
* PIgs in blankets
* Roast potatoes (some with a honey drizzle)
* Roast parsnips with honey
* Steamed carrots
* Steamed peas
* Sprouts in a mustard seed and ginger butter
* Pork, sage and shallot stuffing
* Pork, chestnut and apple stuffing
* Topped with the white wine gravy from cooking the turkey

There's a trifle in the fridge, and I'm just too darn stuffed. Maybe later.
As you can see from my plate, there is a lone roast 'tater on my plate. There was just no room for it.
I don't drink at christmas (usually), so it was finished with a diet coke :)

Sure, it's an indulgence, but it's Christmas. If you can't ignore the calories now, then when can you?

The kids loved this morning. They didn't wake us up until half past 8 :D
(Santa didnt put their stockings on their beds, instead he put them on the sofa downstairs, so that may have helped ;))
Well we came down this morning (Dad always comes down first to check that Santa has been (And to turn on the christmas lights and get the camcorder ready).

The children were really pleased with all their presents. My daughter has now pretty much turned into Hannah Montana lol

Well, lunch is now over, I've been fiddling with my daughter's Rubiks Cube all day, and I've nearly finally finished it! (After losing it 3 times and starting again).

I'm going to kick back with my shoes off and a nice cup of tea now.

Thanks to every single one of you for your views, comments, and support over the past year. I've had some ups and downs doing this 365, and I'm glad you've let me share them all. I only hope I've done it justice by being honest.
You've all been a huge support to me, and pretty much ensured I kept this 365 going.

Only 9 more days to go!

Now, I'm off to check the TV schedule...I might have to dig out Superman on DVD....it's not Christmas without Superman!

081225_5738


More...
 
Marcel said:
* Turkey, cooked in a white wine stock type thing (it's kinda part roasted part steamed), finished off and browned in a butter baste.
* PIgs in blankets
* Roast potatoes (some with a honey drizzle)
* Roast parsnips with honey
* Steamed carrots
* Steamed peas
* Sprouts in a mustard seed and ginger butter
* Pork, sage and shallot stuffing
* Pork, chestnut and apple stuffing
* Topped with the white wine gravy from cooking the turkey

There's a trifle in the fridge,

....... finished with a diet coke :)

Diet coke:thinking:
 
Last edited:
You little chef you :p

I refer you to my previous photos, and the above few posts :D

I prefer the taste of diet, and while that was a feast of a lunch. I stopped regularly drinking full fat coke years ago...All that sugar doesn't sit well with me, because it's not in a dessert :)
Thanks for all the Christmas wishes and compliments on the 365 :)

I went upstairs for a little dad's christmas nap at about 6ish, and have just woke up 3 hours later. Boy I needed that but damn is it gonna play havoc with my body clock. Sod it, I'm regulatin' at New Year....just like Warren G :D
 
Fantastic Thread this... you are a brave man opening yourself up like this, but as youve said you feel like your within friends (which you are!!) We all have our bad days, like you im morbidly obese and seem to not see the end of it at times. And I have decided to make a new years resolution (which for once I will try and keep) and take the little steps to slimness and fitness (the big ones are just disheartening).

So if you want someone to be with you step by step in the New Year Im sure there is more than just me that will take that little trip with you!!! Ill shut up now cos I sound a right prat... just wanted to say have loved your 366 .. mmwwaaahhh
 
You don't sound like a prat at all! Far from it.

Id be more than welcome to have you join me on the trip in the New Year :D
The more the merrier!

Thanks for your very kind comments (y)
 
365.358 : Yippee Kye Yay!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



Boxing day, and I didn't even come up with a cliched boxing shot :D (Yes, I know Boxing Day doesn't come from the actual sport ;))

Anyway, I apologise for this and I promise this is going to be the last grab shot of my 365. It's late, and even though I've had a lovely relaxing day and an hours evening nap....I'm tired.
I'm just finishing watching the end of Die Hard with a Vengeance (surprisingly I've never seen it before). You can just see it in the background on my monitor.

Today I woke up to a beautifully crisp sunny morning. Blue sky, bright low winter sunshine, and a bit of a chill in the air.
After a nice relaxing lie in, my wife and I took the kids to a family play type place nearby, where my wife had a carvery and I had my last 'blow out' meal of a mixed grill. The children had hotdogs, chips and peas, and we all had a lovely time.
We nipped into B&Q to pick up a shelf for our daughters bedroom, and came away with a shelf, some cable clips, and a new tumble dryer. Damn credit cards and boxing day sales.

We needed a new one anyway, I'm sick of having clothes draped over every radiator in the house since our last one broke.

My wife's twin sister came to visit too with her family, which was a rarity. We've not really seen eye to eye in the past, but we rub along now :) The tin of chocolates they brought helped too :D

Anyway, that was my day :) Not too shabby by all accounts.

As for Christmas, it's been great
However, I've eaten my own bodyweight four times over in Christmas food, which the scales will no doubt tell me about next time I step on, and I'm looking forward to my fresh start on New Years Day.

I've always thought New Years Resolutions to be a bit of a cliche, and are seldom 'stuck to' by those who make them. Ironically this meant about 15 years ago I made my only ever one....and that was to never make a New Years Resolution.
Ah well, I'm going to break that to make a new one.

New year, new start, new Marcel.

081227_5745


More...
 
359.365 : Eat that Ern?!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



Yay! I have finally completed my first Rubik's Cube at the age of 32. I must admit when I had one as a child, I never really put much thought into it and used to just peel the stickers off :D (They used to dig right under my fingernails too, didn't half hurt!)

Well, Santa brought my son and daughter one each for Christmas, and I've been practising and trying to complete it.

My wife is out on the pop tonight with a friend, out for a boogie, and I started watching a film while doing it.
OK it's not a 15 second record, but still, it gives me great satisfaction to complete it :D

Onto the other one now!

081227_5764


More...
 
I am just so glad the leopard print pants did a runner(y)good thinkink there Marcel with only days to go (y)
 
I am just so glad the leopard print pants did a runner(y)good thinkink there Marcel with only days to go (y)

Oh they haven't gone anywhere ;) :D

Thanks for the kind words Adam :)

Jo, I have an idea...had an idea for a while. If I end up doing it, it's going to shock :D
 
Yay! I have finally completed my first Rubik's Cube at the age of 32.


:eek: Congratulations mate :clap: The only way I've ever completed a Rubik's Cube is to peel all the stickers off and put them back on again lol :LOL: Don't tell my kids though, they still think I can complete one ;)
 
I never peeled the stickers off my rubix cube I found out if you force them just a little bit they come completely apart and I just used to reconstruct it correctly.

I haven't made a new years resolution for a while either but this year I think is going to be different, because I want it to be different.

Thanks for this 365 and congrats :clap: for keeping it up.
 
360.365 : Baileys and Hot Chocolate


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



A post was made on TP this evening entitled "What everyone needs......". It described the following concociton

Aero Hot Chocolate
Hot water
One spoon
One mug
50ml of Baileys
Some chilling
A healthy portion of feet up

One chill pill prescribed, cashed in, and administered! :D

Life shouldn't be taken too seriously. We should all take a step back sometimes and stop worrying about the small things :)

Thanks to Kelly (kelack) for this insightful thought this evening.
Merry Christmas!

081228_5774


More...
 
359.365 : Eat that Ern?!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



Yay! I have finally completed my first Rubik's Cube at the age of 32. I must admit when I had one as a child, I never really put much thought into it and used to just peel the stickers off :D (They used to dig right under my fingernails too, didn't half hurt!)

Well, Santa brought my son and daughter one each for Christmas, and I've been practising and trying to complete it.

My wife is out on the pop tonight with a friend, out for a boogie, and I started watching a film while doing it.
OK it's not a 15 second record, but still, it gives me great satisfaction to complete it :D

Onto the other one now!

081227_5764


More...



I used to be able to do the Rubik's Cube in just under a minute when I was at secondary school in the early '80s. My sister's maths teacher taught us how to do it!

:geek:
 
Oh how I long to be able to do it in under a minute :D
I'm getting better though! Can do one over and over again now :D
 
361.365 : OW OW OW OW!


Marcel Booth posted a photo:



I hate headaches :( With a passion. Almost as much as I hate toothace, or earache, or pretty much any kind of pain.

Not a bad day today. Had some things to do, then went to take the family swimming this afternoon. We pack our things, drive all the way there. Closed for refurbishment.
We're about to set off for the other local (council run) pool near us, when I realise I remember a better one about half an hours drive away, with slides and waves and what not. One I'd always wanted to try (Hyde Leisure Pool).

We drive all the way there....the car park looks a bit too quiet. Sign at the front, sure enough, closed for refurbishment for a few months (as of the other day). Damn!

Ah well, treated the kids to a KFC for tea instead :D

Fell asleep on the sofa when I got back, for a few hours, woke up with a niggling headache, which has now turned into a skull-splitter :(
2 paracetamol, 2 ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and I'm off to bed in a mo.

Anyway. That KFC was likely to be my last 'fast food' meal for quite some time.
New Year's Day and it's a new start, a new me. Cliche'd I know but I don't care.

You know what? I'm really looking forward to it! That's what I need...excitement to drive my motivation. I just know I have to...nay WANT to change alot of things about me and my life.

081230_5805


More...
 
Back
Top