The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Now this is scary ;)

The medical company leading the research on Corona virus has the same logo (different colour) as umbrella ( resident evil)
as if that wasn't bad enough corona is an anagram for RACOON city where resident evil is based.

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An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor of you?"

"Of course child. What can I do for you?"

"I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened, but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?""I would love to help you my dear; but, I must warn you, I will not lie!""With your honest face, Father, I'm sure no one will question you!"When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?""From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist down to the floor?""I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next, please!
 
A young Family moved into a House next door to an empty plot.
One day, a gang of Building Workers turned up to start building on the Plot:
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with Hearts of Gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of Project Mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had Tea and Lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the Child her very own Hard Hat and Gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling Builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'Pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the Bank the next day to open a Savings Account.
At the Bank, the female Cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'Work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'Pay Packet'.
"You must have worked very hard to earn all this." Said the cashier..???
The little girl proudly replied.
"Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a Big House."
"My Goodness Gracious." Said the cashier.
"And will you be Working on the House again next week"..???
The Child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
"I Think So".
"Provided those w******s at 'Jewsons', deliver the f*****g bricks on time."
 
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