366.365 : The arse end of the year
Marcel Booth posted a photo:
Link to the uncensored version (Possibly NSFW).
Well folks it's time for my journey to come to an end.
My year of self portraits is complete. Over. Finished.
366 photos of me.
It's been quite an emotional rollercoaster if I'm honest. I've had my ups and downs, my laughs and my sadness, but above all, it's been great fun.
Sure, there have been plenty of days where I thought "Arrgh, I want to go to bed, but haven't done today's shot!", but I've perservered and stuck with it.
I'm so glad I did though, because it's been quite an achievement, if I do say so myself.
It's actually hard to be imaginitive and creative with a photo every single day. Even harder if it has to be about one particular subject. (ie. Me)
I've had days where I haven't had a creative bone in my body. Yet I've also had days where I've spent ages setting up a shot, or hours doing the post processing to get it just right.
I've enjoyed both types of day, as they have all made up my 365 journey.
I kept a list next to my desk where I would write ideas down. Sadly many of them didn't make it. This was mostly due to my procrastination and the fact that they required quite a bit of setting up. I'll photograph this list to share with you later
Im not sure what else to say really. I've had today planned for a while. I knew I wanted to do it naked. "BUT WHHHYYYYYYY??????" I hear you cry..."FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHYYYYYY???".
Well, three reasons. One, it's a laugh, and we all need more laughter in our lives. Two, it's my way of saying that I've laid bare in this 365 and this is the final bit of 'me' that I have to show. Metaphorically you understand.
Finally, three (and more importantly), it's because I want to be comfortable with my body, with my self image. Which was what my 365 was originally about.
I have a body, it's naked under my clothes...OH MY GOSH! *Puts hands to face in mock drama motion*
So what? It's a body, it's nothing special, why hide it away? Why be ashamed of it? We all have one, we're all different, and who cares what it looks like?
We should all be happy with what we were given. We can tweak and adjust our bodies with exercise, dieting, surgery etc, but in the end, we have to be comfortable with who we are.
Don't be ashamed with what you've got. Every single person is beautiful to someone else...even the fat ones like me
I suppose this is quite hypocritical of me, considering my 'new start' and 'Marcel 2.0' for the new year. Here I am telling you to be comfortable with yourselves, and I'm making efforts to change myself.
That said, my changes are more at being able to come to terms with myself, and come to like myself for who I am. To be able to say 'this is me...like it or lump it'.
No more worrying what people will think of me if I say something, or do something. No more pandering to others opinions of me. No more.
This is me, this is who I am. If you can't deal with it, then you're a hindrance to my life.
Anyway, back to my 365.
Sadly, it's come to an end....but has my life changed much over the year?
I'd say yes, and not entirely for the better either. I've put on weight, I've gotten into a bad routine (sleeping, eating etc). (That is, until New Years Day when I started Marcel 2.0. Now it all changes of course.)
I must admit I had high hopes at the start of my 365 last year. I had plans to lose weight, I had plans to do this, that and the other. Well, alot of it didn't happen, and the canny ones amongst you will notice I'm making similar promises this year.
However, I think that this year is different, this year is about steely determination. About changing the person within.
The 365 has taught me I have friends out there, people who like me for who I am. Not for what I can do for them. It's taught me that I am loved by many. My family love me immensely, despite all my problems, or how I look.
I'm loved. I'm happy. I'm great.
Thankyou to every single one of you who have taken the time to take part in my 365, from watching with stifled giggles as I ran about like a loony at York Cathedral taking my multi-me shot
, to just browsing every now and then, all the way to taking the time to comment on (and Flickr-fave) my photos.
I would have given up long ago if there wasn't a reactive audience to do it for, so thanks for keeping me going
All your kind words and thoughts have been a tower of strength to me, both on Flickr and Talk Photography.
So to my Flickr and TP friends, thankyou.
What's in store for 2009? Well, apart from the new me (which is going really well thanks!), I need to think about returning to work, as my youngest has just started school.
I did think about going back to college and studying psychology, as it's something that really fascinates me (the human mind). However, looking at the course fees, I think that may be a no no.
Should I take my photography full time? Many people say yes. I don't think I have the confidence too. Besides, I'm not sure I want to anyway, it might ruin a really enjoyable hobby.
Will I do another 365? No, not at the moment. While it's been an enoyable run, it's also a double edged sword.
Quite often, it gets to night time, my wife heads off to bed with "I'm going to bed, are you coming up anytime soon?". My reply being "Can't, haven't done my 365 yet". Cue another late night as I faff and mess around.
Now I have no limits. I'm in bed by 11pm every night. Nothing I 'must' stay up for, so that is helping greatly.
I may do a 52 week project, a bit like a 365 but, er, weekly instead. Not sure yet though.
I will admit though, towards the end, I've enjoyed the writing of the posts, a little bit more than the taking of the photos if I have to be truthful. I enjoyed being a bit philosophical, while being open and honest about my life, and the thought that went into some of the points I made.
So there we have it.
366 days.
366 photos
1 LR catalogue
899 outtakes (even more deleted)
about 2000 shutter actuations
2 Mobile Phones
2 Webcams
1 Family
1 Life
1 Man
1 Arse
A few frowns
Some tears
Unlimited smiles
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