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Los Cojones del Perro
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Relationships eh!
I thought, well that's an easy one, then I thought about all the different types of relationships there are in the world. Political, geographical, diplomatic, and economic are the one's on the world stage. Closer to home though there are are personal ones, and the most personal of all perhaps is the romantic/sexual one. By that I mean a marriage or partnership. In other words, an intimate relationship.
I've had quite a few of those
(Reg is my third husband). And like all relationships they can be tricky 
So what makes a good relationship?
Well, like most things in life, you only get what you work for. I remember as a young (19) bride thinking that once we'd got that far all the work was done and we just got on with it, life would be great. Now at the grand age of 53 I've realised that if you want to be happy with each other you both have to work at it. When we moved here over 4 years ago we were suddenly spending all day, every day together and that takes some getting used to no matter how much you love each other. It's taken more than 3 of those years to get to the point where we are really comfortable with each other again, after a number of difficult patches.
But with hindsight I realise that many couples will have a similar kind of experience from time to time. When circumstances change it often has a knock on effect on a relationship. When a baby is born, when the last child leaves home, when a parent dies, when jobs and roles change, and, in our case, when Reg retired. I naively believed (like I did at 19) that it was going to be great spending all our time together. After all, isn't that what most of us dream of when we think about retirement, that it's a time for celebration
So what have I learned (or, more appropriately, put into to practice)?
Well first of all you can't have love without respect. I'm sure many of us know couples who are always bickering in public, using sarcastic humour to belittle the other. And I wonder if it's just a habit they have fallen into or whether they genuinely dislike each other.
Secondly, you need to have trust. That your other half will support you, back you up and, always be on your side cheering you on in everything you do. But, equally as important, will tell you when you are making an absolute 'blue chested bird' of something and vice versa of course.
Thirdly, you genuinely need to care for each other. Caring is not just about supporting someone or looking after them when they are ill or upset but, for me, it's thinking 'what will be the consequences for Reg if I do this, how will he feel?' about just about everything I do. In other words, taking him into consideration when I make decisions big and small. That doesn't mean we talk about every one, or that I always put him first, just that I think about him.
And, fourthly, and perhaps the most important in all of this, is that you keep the lines of communication open. If you respect someone, trust them, and care for them then you can talk about anything. Your hopes, fears, desires, your strengths and weaknesses, your past and your present and your hopes for the future. In other words you can bare all without fear of failure, derision, and most importantly, without judgement.
So I give you ......
I chose a slightly high key version on purpose Simon and if I keep taking portraits we are going to have to get a bigger house because I'm struggling to find a decent background, and moving furniture, and taking stuff off walls, and finding space for the tripod etc etc etc.
And Dark Star, I told you I was freckly
And now I'm off to see my friend in Paris for a week (without Reg I might add), but I'll still be online. I just hope that the next theme doesn't need a tripod!
I thought, well that's an easy one, then I thought about all the different types of relationships there are in the world. Political, geographical, diplomatic, and economic are the one's on the world stage. Closer to home though there are are personal ones, and the most personal of all perhaps is the romantic/sexual one. By that I mean a marriage or partnership. In other words, an intimate relationship.
I've had quite a few of those
(Reg is my third husband). And like all relationships they can be tricky So what makes a good relationship?
Well, like most things in life, you only get what you work for. I remember as a young (19) bride thinking that once we'd got that far all the work was done and we just got on with it, life would be great. Now at the grand age of 53 I've realised that if you want to be happy with each other you both have to work at it. When we moved here over 4 years ago we were suddenly spending all day, every day together and that takes some getting used to no matter how much you love each other. It's taken more than 3 of those years to get to the point where we are really comfortable with each other again, after a number of difficult patches.
But with hindsight I realise that many couples will have a similar kind of experience from time to time. When circumstances change it often has a knock on effect on a relationship. When a baby is born, when the last child leaves home, when a parent dies, when jobs and roles change, and, in our case, when Reg retired. I naively believed (like I did at 19) that it was going to be great spending all our time together. After all, isn't that what most of us dream of when we think about retirement, that it's a time for celebration
So what have I learned (or, more appropriately, put into to practice)?
Well first of all you can't have love without respect. I'm sure many of us know couples who are always bickering in public, using sarcastic humour to belittle the other. And I wonder if it's just a habit they have fallen into or whether they genuinely dislike each other.
Secondly, you need to have trust. That your other half will support you, back you up and, always be on your side cheering you on in everything you do. But, equally as important, will tell you when you are making an absolute 'blue chested bird' of something
and vice versa of course.Thirdly, you genuinely need to care for each other. Caring is not just about supporting someone or looking after them when they are ill or upset but, for me, it's thinking 'what will be the consequences for Reg if I do this, how will he feel?' about just about everything I do. In other words, taking him into consideration when I make decisions big and small. That doesn't mean we talk about every one, or that I always put him first, just that I think about him.
And, fourthly, and perhaps the most important in all of this, is that you keep the lines of communication open. If you respect someone, trust them, and care for them then you can talk about anything. Your hopes, fears, desires, your strengths and weaknesses, your past and your present and your hopes for the future. In other words you can bare all without fear of failure, derision, and most importantly, without judgement.
So I give you ......
RELATIONSHIPS
and if I keep taking portraits we are going to have to get a bigger house because I'm struggling to find a decent background, and moving furniture, and taking stuff off walls, and finding space for the tripod etc etc etc.And Dark Star, I told you I was freckly
And now I'm off to see my friend in Paris for a week
(without Reg I might add), but I'll still be online. I just hope that the next theme doesn't need a tripod!
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