- Messages
- 23,525
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
and the site receives a small commission
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
- Messages
- 25,297
- Name
- Phil
- Edit My Images
- No
Amazing how easily offended some can be (and how intolerant)
You can’t have it both ways.
Be Careful!!!
Warming:
If youse gets a link called "Free Porn" don t opin it ?!!"#$%
It is a birus wich deactivats yur Spelchec and garblis up yur riting.
I alsu receibed its, but lukily I don't does porn so I didnt opin its.
Warn al1 yor vriends!!..��
I know some people who already write like that - the Free Porn virus might improve things for them
- Messages
- 18,340
- Edit My Images
- No
DorsetDude
Spud
- Messages
- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 1,835
- Name
- dave
- Edit My Images
- Yes
I read an headline that said a banana a day helps keep your colon clean....
I should have read the whole article.It turns out you're supposed to eat them
I should have read the whole article.It turns out you're supposed to eat them
- Messages
- 11,513
- Name
- Stewart
- Edit My Images
- Yes
That's nothing.
This is a genuine photo I took in the pedestrian underpass at a railway station in Austria in 2015. I'm not 100% sure which one now - I think it was Jenbach, but it might have been Fritzens-Wattens. Anyway it's nice to see they're taking accessibility seriously. Fancy going down that in a wheelchair?
Last edited:
- Messages
- 5,548
- Name
- mike
- Edit My Images
- Yes
That's nothing.
This is a genuine photo I took in the pedestrian underpass at a railway station in Austria in 2015. I'm not 100% sure which one now - I think it was Jenbach, but it might have been Fritzens-Wattens. Anyway it's nice to see they're taking accessibility seriously. Fancy going down that in a wheelchair?
OK you win
- Messages
- 23,525
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,567
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
The disabled section of the Exeter job centre used to be up a few steps - no lift.
The ramp in Stewart's post looks more like a pair of rails for sliding things down (and maybe up) than a ramp for 'chairs, especially since there look to be gouges at the bottom of them.
DorsetDude
Spud
- Messages
- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 1,835
- Name
- dave
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 947
- Name
- ken
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Awww sweet! Mark Zuckerberg Giving evidence to Congress today, sitting on a booster cushion
View attachment 124148
Maybe a whoopie cushion?
Last edited:
DorsetDude
Spud
- Messages
- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,567
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Awww sweet! Mark Zuckerberg Giving evidence to Congress today, sitting on a booster cushion
View attachment 124148
Or a PortaPotti to catch the fallout and BS...
OP
- Messages
- 115,214
- Name
- The real Chris
- Edit My Images
- No
- Messages
- 11,505
- Name
- Jim
- Edit My Images
- Yes
A successful businessman called Joe started to get headaches and as he got older they got steadily worse.
Eventually they started to impact on his career and love life and both started to suffer and he decided he needed to seek medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, prodded here, poked there, tested for this and that and with no diagnosis, he finally came across an old country doctor who was sure he could solve the problem.......
"The good news is I can cure your headaches....... BUT, the bad news is that it will require you to be castrated. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates the terrible, terrible, headaches you suffer from now. It's steadily going to get worse and the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if life was worth living for. He couldn't concentrate, his health was suffering, he was being driven mad so decided he had no choice but to go under the knife......
When he left the hospital after the operation he was without a headache for the first time in 10 years, but he felt like something really important was missing. As he walked down the street, he realised that as he felt like a different person he could make a new beginning and start afresh as a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought that a new set of clothes would cheer him up and he'd start with a new suit." He entered the shop and told the man serving, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... 14st 6 pound, 5' 9", size 42 regular."
Joe was amazed, "That's right, how did you know?". The elderly tailor responded "Been in business 60 years, always spot on"
Joe tried on the selected suit. It fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "yes, good idea to go with my new suit..."
The elderly tailor eyed Joe again and said "Now let's see...35" sleeves and...16 and a half neck."
Again Joe was surprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on" said the elderly tailor.
Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar and cuffs in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll now and said "yep, why not"
The elderly tailor scrutinised Joe's feet and said "Let's see... 9 and a half, width F...no, make that an E"
Astonished, Joe again said "that's right, how did you know?" The elderly tailor again responded "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on". Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked around the shop and the elderly tailor asked "how about some new underwear, get the whole set in one go?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "may as well as I'm here"
The elderly tailor stepped back, looked him up and down and said "Let's see... size 36"
At this Joe laughed, "Ah, got you there! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The elderly tailor shook his head, "you can't wear a size 34. They will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache........."
Eventually they started to impact on his career and love life and both started to suffer and he decided he needed to seek medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, prodded here, poked there, tested for this and that and with no diagnosis, he finally came across an old country doctor who was sure he could solve the problem.......
"The good news is I can cure your headaches....... BUT, the bad news is that it will require you to be castrated. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates the terrible, terrible, headaches you suffer from now. It's steadily going to get worse and the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if life was worth living for. He couldn't concentrate, his health was suffering, he was being driven mad so decided he had no choice but to go under the knife......
When he left the hospital after the operation he was without a headache for the first time in 10 years, but he felt like something really important was missing. As he walked down the street, he realised that as he felt like a different person he could make a new beginning and start afresh as a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought that a new set of clothes would cheer him up and he'd start with a new suit." He entered the shop and told the man serving, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... 14st 6 pound, 5' 9", size 42 regular."
Joe was amazed, "That's right, how did you know?". The elderly tailor responded "Been in business 60 years, always spot on"
Joe tried on the selected suit. It fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "yes, good idea to go with my new suit..."
The elderly tailor eyed Joe again and said "Now let's see...35" sleeves and...16 and a half neck."
Again Joe was surprised, "that's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on" said the elderly tailor.
Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar and cuffs in the mirror, the elderly tailor asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll now and said "yep, why not"
The elderly tailor scrutinised Joe's feet and said "Let's see... 9 and a half, width F...no, make that an E"
Astonished, Joe again said "that's right, how did you know?" The elderly tailor again responded "Been in the business 60 years, always spot on". Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked around the shop and the elderly tailor asked "how about some new underwear, get the whole set in one go?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "may as well as I'm here"
The elderly tailor stepped back, looked him up and down and said "Let's see... size 36"
At this Joe laughed, "Ah, got you there! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The elderly tailor shook his head, "you can't wear a size 34. They will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache........."
Last edited:
- Messages
- 947
- Name
- ken
- Edit My Images
- Yes
From the small ads - Tube of Anosol, used. Open to offers
- Messages
- 5,548
- Name
- mike
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year" said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
. . . “I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00."
A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, so I went and bought me a new pickup truck
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year" said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
. . . “I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00."
A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, so I went and bought me a new pickup truck
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.
