The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I bet he's got a wallet just like Jules Winnfield's...
 
A gas station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read:

'Chance To Win Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close, the lucky number was 6. Sorry, no sex this time.'
A week later, Paddy, with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again Paddy asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'
Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick, my wife won twice last week
 
45304302_10216269415195357_2840230914720530432_n.jpg
 
In Canada, the government, in its eternal wisdom, recently passed two laws.

They are:

1. Legalised gay marriage

2. Legalised marijuana

Legalising gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”

Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
 
A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from £250 to £500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the £500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy):
“I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the £500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for £500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.
 
andyred said:
You think he’d have changed channels and tried something else - this is a repeat from be other week (few pages back) :)
Click to expand...


would you like me to remove it ?
we do get a lot of repeats here, bound to happen
 
A golden oldie

There was this old lady who lived alone with her cat.
she finds an old lamp, rubs it, and out pops a genie who grants her three wishes
"I wish I was 18" A puff of magic light, and she was so
"I wish I had the most expensive dress to show off my figure" A puff of magic light, and it was so
"I wish my puss would be my handsome prince" A puff of magic light...

He took her gently in his arms and whispered softly in her ear

"I bet you are sorry you took me to the vets for that operation"
 
Oh!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top