The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

kendo1 said:
Double pedant :)

You're showing your age.' Fridges' as they were called always had to be defrosted, though admittedly they had an icebox - which is kind of apt...
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But isn't an ice box <sniggers> a mini freezer? ;)
 
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
 
kendo1 said:
Double pedant :)

You're showing your age.' Fridges' as they were called always had to be defrosted, though admittedly they had an icebox - which is kind of apt...
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Yo, yo dude, being defrosted means ya suffrin from the big down after doin' coke man :runaway:
 
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How to build a motorbike
 
I wasnt sure what my first day as a street cleaner would be like but I'm picking it up as I go along.

Am hoping to get a job in a circumcision clinic next. Wages are low but you get to keep all the tips.

I've also invented a new flavour for crisps. If that takes off I'll make a packet.
 
DorsetDude said:
Am hoping to get a job in a circumcision clinic next. Wages are low but you get to keep all the tips.
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Reminds me of an old joke.

A guy asks a rabbi what they do with all the foreskins left over from the circumcisions. The rabbi says he sells them to a local craftsman. The guy is even more curious now and goes to see the craftsman's workshop. There are a bunch of workmen there sewing the foreskins together.

"What are you going to do with those?" he asks the craftsman.

"Ah, we make the most beautiful soft wallets."

"Wallets? I would never have guessed!"

"Yup, they also have a special feature: if you rub them hard enough they turn into a suitcase"
 
Cartus said:
Fascinating film and I learnt a lot, but I don't get why it's in the 'jokes' thread? :LOL:
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My OH has a very well developed Argument Lobe :)
 
boogie man said:
A guy asks a rabbi what they do with all the foreskins left over from the circumcisions.
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TBH I prefer this version :D

A small synagogue was being audited by the IRS. The auditor was young and conniving; the Rabbi, old and wise.

"I've noticed you use a lot of candles," said the auditor. "What do you do with all of the wax drippings?"

"Oh," replied the Rabbi, "We collect all of the drippings and send them to the candle makers. Every so often, they send us a complete box of candles for free."

The auditor thought for a moment, unwilling to accept defeat. "I've noticed you use a lot of matzo here. What do you do with all of the crumbs?" he asks.

The Rabbi patiently replies, "We collect all of the crumbs, and send them back to the maker. Every so often, they send us a complete box for free."

The auditor becomes visibly agitated by the Rabbi's answers for everything. Finally, he thinks he has something. "I've noticed you perform a lot of circumcisions here. What do you do with all of the left over foreskins?"

The Rabbi pauses, then says, "We collect all of the foreskins from the circumcisions.

We send them to the IRS and, every so often, they send us a complete Prick."
 
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I saw it straight off TBH it was only after looking for something else ( that just had to be there) I saw the "other" version...
One clean mind here (y)
 
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Talking (of) b****x, it's bloody hard to keep them in...

NSFW!!!
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:D
 
Nod said:
Talking (of) b****x, it's bloody hard to keep them in...
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suspenders panties and a bra? I struggle to keep it all in, in a pair of shorts let alone something no wider than a ribbon!
:p
 
Cobra said:
suspenders panties and a bra? I struggle to keep it all in, in a pair of shorts let alone something no wider than a ribbon!
:p
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Tell me about it! Poor Mrs Nod (who should be "credited" with the shots was treated to the fallout... Fortunately, her sense of good taste stopped her from recording it for posterity.
 
Nod said:
Tell me about it! Poor Mrs Nod (who should be "credited" with the shots was treated to the fallout... Fortunately, her sense of good taste stopped her from recording it for posterity.
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That is waaay more information than we needed! :eek:

.... and the flippers make the shot IMO :D
 
Sent by a friend - and I presume he found it somewhere :D

It's the footballers I feel sorry for. They just got through to the next round of the Euros and now they've been voted out...

...and they didn't even get to vote - if they could have found the box, none of them would have been able to get a cross in it.

Still, if they had beaten Iceland, they'd probably lose to Tesco in the semi-final.
 
Heather, the mask and flippers were to a) hide the innocent's face (!!!) and to match my old avatar (similar but otherwise naked but with a black bar covering rather more than the suspenders panties and a bra does!)

Paul, I can sell you some eye and/or mind bleach... :D
 
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