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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, I love you too!"
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, I love you too!"
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And that is pretty much what happened, when I was fitting a new macerater except the GSP ( pup at the time) kept diving in and stealing bitsI know this feeling well, typical GSP
Nod
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There is also a Paddy joke, where Mick and Pat are at the pub and miss the last bus home. On their way, they pass the bus depot and get in. After a while, Pat calls out
"What are ye doin'?"
"Looking for a number 47, it'll take us to the end of our road"
"Well, I've found a 32, it'll take us to the end of the High St, we can walk from there"
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Only in America [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
There's probably a team of lawyers on the case now.
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Alberta, Canada.
ancient_mariner
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Alberta is more like small-town America than most of the rest of the country, so the assumption is not too unreasonable.
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like the one on the news this morning guy had a bat in his i.pad case that crept out and bit his finger and gave him rabies , sounds bats in the belfry to me but it is America
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Ok, North of South America [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
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I saw 2......breastasaurus's
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Mr Badger
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That looks like it might be a Pioneer PL-12D turntable, an alert and interested ginger kitten, and possibly an original Little Feat album on the Warner Bros. record label? If so, I may consider adopting them if they are all as described, in full working order, and need a loving home.
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