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and the site receives a small commission
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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Stick with me on this one:
Back in the late 1800’s in a Midwestern town in America, (a bit like you might see on 1960’s TV shows like Bonanza or the High Chaparral), a wizened old medicine man pulled in to the town square with his horse and cart.
Over the course of the next week he put up posters all over town proclaiming that the following Sunday at 6pm, the eve of the next full moon, there would be a medicine show like none other, the medicine man would cure two town folk who everyone knew very well. This, the posters stated in bold letters, he would do with the help of his amazing, all singing and dancing new potion.
All week there was an atmosphere of excitement and a huge stir of anticipation came over the town - everyone was talking about it, especially when they saw the medicine man turn his cart in to a stage on the Sunday afternoon.
When Sunday came not just all the town were there, but virtually the entire county, well over 800 people. On the stroke of 6pm the town church bell sounded and the medicine man came out.
Standing high above the crowd on his makeshift stage he said loudly, "I will cure two townsfolk who everyone knows and this I will do with the help of God and my new medical wonder potion which will be on sale later for only 99 cents a bottle. But first, the two people who everyone knows please come to the stage".
Immediately, a young boy about 15 years of age was helped on to the stage. "What's your name son" asked the medicine man. "Simon" replied the boy, before he continued, "there was a bank robbery in the town square and I got trampled on by the horses. I can't walk without crutches and everyone in the town knows me"
The medicine man handed him a glass into which the magical potion had been poured. He then directed him behind curtains behind the stage and into his wagon telling him, "Now if you will sit and pray Simon, please drink this potion when I say".
The medicine man re-emerged and turned again to the crowd "I need one more town person to cure". With that there was a lot of laughing as a scruffy chap got on stage.
"What's your name Sir?", asked the medicine man.
"Mmmmyy nn naamee isssth Ggggilbert and eeeverone in ttttown mmmake ffffun offf mmm..me cos I tttalk ffffunny".
"Don't worry Gilbert, I will cure you", said the medicine man handing Gilbert a glass of the yellow liquid, "now please go behind the curtian and into the wagon and join Simon. If you would pray and drink the potion when I say".
Gilbert duly went behind the curtains and them to the wagon. An excited silence descended over the vast crowd. After a few minutes, the medicine man's voice could be heard clearly throughout the crowd, " Oh Lord please help me cure these two helpless, ordinary townsfolk, please, I beseech thee Lord". No sooner had his last word faded and the the sky suddenly darkened, as though the sun had suddenly been eclipsed by the moon. "Drink the potion Simon, drink the potion Gilbert, Lord cure Simon, Lord cure Gilbert".
There was a flash of lighting and a clap of thunder.
"Simon!" the medicine man shouted, "throw out your crutches!". A pair of crutches were thrown over the top of the curtains, landing noisily in the stage. "Gilbert, please speak and say something!" Gilbert screamed at the top of his voice:
"Ssssimonth fffallen ober!"
Back in the late 1800’s in a Midwestern town in America, (a bit like you might see on 1960’s TV shows like Bonanza or the High Chaparral), a wizened old medicine man pulled in to the town square with his horse and cart.
Over the course of the next week he put up posters all over town proclaiming that the following Sunday at 6pm, the eve of the next full moon, there would be a medicine show like none other, the medicine man would cure two town folk who everyone knew very well. This, the posters stated in bold letters, he would do with the help of his amazing, all singing and dancing new potion.
All week there was an atmosphere of excitement and a huge stir of anticipation came over the town - everyone was talking about it, especially when they saw the medicine man turn his cart in to a stage on the Sunday afternoon.
When Sunday came not just all the town were there, but virtually the entire county, well over 800 people. On the stroke of 6pm the town church bell sounded and the medicine man came out.
Standing high above the crowd on his makeshift stage he said loudly, "I will cure two townsfolk who everyone knows and this I will do with the help of God and my new medical wonder potion which will be on sale later for only 99 cents a bottle. But first, the two people who everyone knows please come to the stage".
Immediately, a young boy about 15 years of age was helped on to the stage. "What's your name son" asked the medicine man. "Simon" replied the boy, before he continued, "there was a bank robbery in the town square and I got trampled on by the horses. I can't walk without crutches and everyone in the town knows me"
The medicine man handed him a glass into which the magical potion had been poured. He then directed him behind curtains behind the stage and into his wagon telling him, "Now if you will sit and pray Simon, please drink this potion when I say".
The medicine man re-emerged and turned again to the crowd "I need one more town person to cure". With that there was a lot of laughing as a scruffy chap got on stage.
"What's your name Sir?", asked the medicine man.
"Mmmmyy nn naamee isssth Ggggilbert and eeeverone in ttttown mmmake ffffun offf mmm..me cos I tttalk ffffunny".
"Don't worry Gilbert, I will cure you", said the medicine man handing Gilbert a glass of the yellow liquid, "now please go behind the curtian and into the wagon and join Simon. If you would pray and drink the potion when I say".
Gilbert duly went behind the curtains and them to the wagon. An excited silence descended over the vast crowd. After a few minutes, the medicine man's voice could be heard clearly throughout the crowd, " Oh Lord please help me cure these two helpless, ordinary townsfolk, please, I beseech thee Lord". No sooner had his last word faded and the the sky suddenly darkened, as though the sun had suddenly been eclipsed by the moon. "Drink the potion Simon, drink the potion Gilbert, Lord cure Simon, Lord cure Gilbert".
There was a flash of lighting and a clap of thunder.
"Simon!" the medicine man shouted, "throw out your crutches!". A pair of crutches were thrown over the top of the curtains, landing noisily in the stage. "Gilbert, please speak and say something!" Gilbert screamed at the top of his voice:
"Ssssimonth fffallen ober!"
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Can you get radio 2 on those
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OP
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- The real Chris
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You should put a health warning on images like this for old guys like me
Nod
Tootles
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You should put a health warning on images like this for old guys like me
Should help
Totally agree, they could put someone's eye out.You should put a health warning on images like this for old guys like me
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Even though I strongly dislike people commenting in joke threads I can't help thinking someone has to say something and FFS this is supposed to be a photography forum. Why is the hole in the door not the same shape as the cat flap? Why does it not look like "outside" though the hole? What is the shadow around the hole in the door cast on?
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I know, it's a joke.
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Tori_T
Admin
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You know there's a company that sells these ready made?
OP
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