The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Do you remember when they used to say that? Now they always say “sharp scratch” which doesn’t seem to me to describe the act :) and always makes me smile (inwardly) as I bet the nurses did in the “just a little prick” days :).

The one that gets me is "you might feel a little discomfort" - it appears the medical profession and I don't share the same definition of "a little discomfort".
 
The one that gets me is "you might feel a little discomfort" - it appears the medical profession and I don't share the same definition of "a little discomfort".
No doubt they regularly meet examples of much greater discomfort than we normally have to deal with. A broken arm might be a common 'discomfort', so a bruise / aching muscle is only little discomfort as long as it's likely to go away with 48hrs...

I suppose there's always the other option 'you MIGHT feel a little discomfort, (but it's more likely I'll make it hurt like hell)'.
 
The only thing I take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is Fish and Chips.
And even that I take with a pinch of salt.
 
An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Lincoln
There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled to York , Durham and Liverpool
In every Cathedral he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving the N of England decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.
He arrived in Glasgow, and again, as he entered the cathedral , there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in England the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50pence here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Scotland now, son .... it's a local call.'
 
An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Lincoln
There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled to York , Durham and Liverpool
In every Cathedral he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving the N of England decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.
He arrived in Glasgow, and again, as he entered the cathedral , there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in England the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50pence here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Scotland now, son .... it's a local call.'
Sounds like a Yorkshire joke that’s been transplanted :).
 
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