The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Monica Lewinski and Stormy Daniels are doing a lecture tour next year.

Should go down well...
 
Earley Man said:
In modern Britain this is almost too true to be funny.
Click to expand...

This joke has been around in various forms since the '80s.


A Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the North American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. So, North American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.
It was called the"Rowing Team Quality First Program“, with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the North American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments in new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was outsourced to India.


And the corollary


The next year a young American entrepreneur came up with a innovative rowing system and got support and investments from his peers to start to start his own team.

The new American team and the Japanese team were setting up for race when a rower from the Japanese team noticed that the current in the river had changed and suggested making corrections. The leaders of the Japanese team scolded the rower for questioning his superiors and going against the traditional plan. A rower from the American team also noticed this change and informed his leader who then got together with the rest of the team and made changes.

That year the Americans beat the Japanese by a mile. This inspired other ambitious young Americans to start their own teams. However the established Japanese teams were critical of young japanese who tried to start their own teams. Claiming they were disrespecting tradition


Every culture has strengths and weaknesses. Cynicism builds up no-one, but it can produce a chuckle.
 
A man in a supermarket wanted to by a half of a cauliflower. The young greens produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.

Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some w****r out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"
"Cardiff, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff ."
"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"
 
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn.
Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.
Amy takes him down to the barn.
They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,"Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" "That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?" The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her
shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on,” she replied.
(It's nice to see a blonde winning...once in awhile.)
 
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