The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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A teacher asked his students to share what their dads do for a hobby:

Little Johnny said, My dad’s a stripper at a gay bar.'
After class, the teacher pulled him aside and said, 'Is your dad really a stripper at a gay bar?'
'No, of course he isn't, but he's bought a Range Rover and caravan - I was too ashamed to say that.'
 
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Some laws that we didn't learn at school​

01. LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

04. CANNON'S KARMIC LAW

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

05 O'BRIEN'S VARIATION LAW

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

06. BELL'S THEOREM

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

07. RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

08. WILLOUGHBY'S LAW

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

09. ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. BREDA'S RULE

At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

11. OWEN'S LAW

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold...
 
kennethwfd said:

Some laws that we didn't learn at school​

01. LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

04. CANNON'S KARMIC LAW

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

05 O'BRIEN'S VARIATION LAW

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

06. BELL'S THEOREM

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

07. RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

08. WILLOUGHBY'S LAW

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

09. ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. BREDA'S RULE

At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

11. OWEN'S LAW

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold...
Click to expand...

Not sure about # 09 though unless I’m misreading it.
 
To add

Sods Law
If something can go wrong, it will

Coles Law
Finely chopped cabbage, carrot and onion...
 
kennethwfd said:
The more irritating the itch, the greater the difficulty to reach and scratch it
Click to expand...

Exactly. But “the greater” is not inversely proportional but directly proportional or some greater ratio I think :(.
 
Try weekly, tri-weekly, try weekly, try weakly...
 
Let’s do a deal.

Italy can win Wimbledon, England win the Euro ;)
 
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