- Messages
- 15,750
- Edit My Images
- No
and help to keep the site free for all
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
- Messages
- 4,345
- Name
- Martin
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Nearly broke my neck with this one!
- Messages
- 17,355
- Name
- Bob
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 17,355
- Name
- Bob
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,607
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 17,355
- Name
- Bob
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 1,835
- Name
- dave
- Edit My Images
- Yes
ive just found out cock fighting is done with male chickens...thats 12 months training completely wasted
- Messages
- 4,345
- Name
- Martin
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 17,355
- Name
- Bob
- Edit My Images
- Yes
What's sex?
In the days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a drooling, hunchbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, foul-smelling, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor he was a fraud."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a drooling, hunchbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, foul-smelling, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor he was a fraud."
- Messages
- 949
- Name
- ken
- Edit My Images
- Yes
A toad was fed up with his colour as it was yellow.
He meets his Fairy Godmother who gives him a wish, so now he's brown apart from his meat and two veg.
"I'm sorry", says the Fairy Godmother, "But I can't do individual body parts, you'll have to see the Wizard of Oz"
"Ok", says the toad, "I know where to find him" and off he goes.
Then the fairy godmother encounters a purple bear,who likewise is fed up with his colour and wants to be brown.
The same thing happens, now the bear is all brown, but his wedding tackle is still purple, so he is also advised to see the Wizard of Oz
"So how am I supposed to find the Wizard of Oz?"
"Just follow the yellow prick toad"
He meets his Fairy Godmother who gives him a wish, so now he's brown apart from his meat and two veg.
"I'm sorry", says the Fairy Godmother, "But I can't do individual body parts, you'll have to see the Wizard of Oz"
"Ok", says the toad, "I know where to find him" and off he goes.
Then the fairy godmother encounters a purple bear,who likewise is fed up with his colour and wants to be brown.
The same thing happens, now the bear is all brown, but his wedding tackle is still purple, so he is also advised to see the Wizard of Oz
"So how am I supposed to find the Wizard of Oz?"
"Just follow the yellow prick toad"
Last edited:
- Messages
- 722
- Name
- Chris
- Edit My Images
- No
- Messages
- 2,138
- Name
- martin
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Something to carry tatties home from the shop in.What's sex?
- Messages
- 15,387
- Name
- Jeff
- Edit My Images
- No
What's sex?
It comes after five and before seven.