The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I'll restore its eyesight for a jar of Sainsbury's own brand Salted Caramel Sauce.

Did I say "for"? I meant "with"!!! :D:p
 
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Cobra said:
Its a lot like the "Range eggs" notices you see at the side of the road, while driving through the country..
Trades descriptions act! They are not free at all :(
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Same with budgie seed - what a rip off. I planted a whole packet and didn't get a single budgie!
 
gm43uk said:
Same with budgie seed - what a rip off. I planted a whole packet and didn't get a single budgie!
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And don't get me started on The Virgin mega store :(
 
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A female friend of mine got married so she could lose her maiden (! unintended!) name - she is no longer A. Virgin. Not sure what her parents were thinking when they named her Anne, it's like the Heads calling a son Richard.
 
A stranger phoned me last night asking to meet up in the woods so he could see my genitals!

Time wasting wierdo never turned up!
 
Nod said:
A female friend of mine got married so she could lose her maiden (! unintended!) name - she is no longer A. Virgin. Not sure what her parents were thinking when they named her Anne, it's like the Heads calling a son Richard.
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In a previous job, one of the guys at head office was called Richard Head. :)
 
Bobsyeruncle said:
In a previous job, one of the guys at head office was called Richard Head. :)
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I went to school with Wayne Kerr

We had a user ask if she could change her email address as the company standard was Initial and surname and she felt embarressed giving it out. Of course we did it for her. I felt sorry for Rachel Staines
 
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Nod said:
A female friend of mine got married so she could lose her maiden (! unintended!) name - she is no longer A. Virgin. Not sure what her parents were thinking when they named her Anne, it's like the Heads calling a son Richard.
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I went to a posh dinner once where the guest of honour was one Richard Long. On the seating chart he was down as Long, Dick.
 
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it.
"CASE DISMISSED!!"
 
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