The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[mikew]

 

[kennethwfd]

The sherriff of a small US town sees a blonde cowboy wearing only his hat, his holster and boots.
So the sherriff arrests him for indecent exposure, and as he locks the cowboy up, he asks him how he came to be like this
"Well," says the cowboy, "I was having a drink at the bar down the street and up comes this pert little redhead and says
'Hey, cowboy, would you like to come home with me'
So we go inside her motorhome and she takes off her blouse and says 'Hey cowboy, take off your shirt'
Then its off with her skirt and my pants
Then her blouse and panties, then my shorts.
So she lies on the bed and says 'Now go to town cowboy'
And here I am!"

 

[Cobra]

Taken from a Bonsai forum, but its still applicable

 

[D-Mitch]

Quasimodo went into a gent's outfitters and asked the manager, "Have you got a suit that will fit me?"

The manager replied, "If I do then someone's getting fired!"

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Mountkeen]

Quasimodo went into a gent's outfitters and asked the manager, "Have you got a suit that will fit me?"

The manager replied, "If I do then someone's getting fired!"

Quasimodo?

That name rings a bell.....

 

[Lunkwill Fouk]

View attachment 344277

The corollary is that I'm going to go slow until you try to overtake so that I can race you into the face of the oncoming cars.

 

[Nod]

 

[Mountkeen]

There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

Only a fraction of the population will find this funny.

 

[AndrewFlannigan]

Only a fraction of the population will find this funny.

I always knew there was a really good reason for decimalisation...

 

[Nod]

Yeah, coz percentages aren't fractions...

 

[Cobra]

Yeah, coz percentages aren't fractions...

I lost interest in Math, once the alphabet got involved ..

 

[Krisstiffer]

 

[Nod]

 

[sirch]

The grand old Duke of York,
He had twelve million quid,
He gave it to someone he’d never met,
For something he never did…

 

[simon ess]

He had twelve million quid,

His Mum had twelve million quid

 

[Cobra]

His Mum had twelve million quid

His mum has 12 million quid less, ( pocket money)

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

The Swedish astronomer Anders Celcius died at the age of 43 in 1744.
A contemporary of his, Daniel Fahrenheit, was convinced that his rival was actually 109.4 years old at the time ...

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Nod]

 

[mikew]

 

[Nod]

 

[Nod]

Just brought the DeLorean back from a trip up to tomorrow night in Blackpool so thought I'd share this snap...

 

[Mountkeen]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Cobra]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Krisstiffer]

 

[Steep]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

STORM EUNICE WEATHER UPDATE :
Footballers have been told not to travel under any circumstances.
Rugby players have been told that training starts at 2pm sharp.

 

[Mag1cp2x]

Personal Storm Eunice update -
I am becoming seriously worried about my responsibility for the caravan in my garden as I don't own a caravan ....