The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my wife:
'Honey,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.
Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.
As i was running out the door i was thinking,
What the hell does 'ternative' mean??
 
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail. Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."
 
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A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
 
For the middle aged among us!
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u8myufo said:
but tbh the audience figures were very disappointing indeed. I would be happy to stay in there though if others would care to folow :)
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We are not facebook, there are no prizes for likes, unlike like someone seemed to think there were by cajoling people to like or post in his threads.
 
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