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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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Groan time:
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two nuns having fun in a bath, one says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, it does doesn't it."
What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
What do hurricanes and women have in common? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
One last one:
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that friggin' map!"
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two nuns having fun in a bath, one says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, it does doesn't it."
What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
What do hurricanes and women have in common? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
One last one:
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that friggin' map!"
Last edited:
ancient_mariner
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Having a bad day?
Remember that an arrow is only fired by being pulled backwards.
Life is about to fire you forwards to kill someone.
Remember that an arrow is only fired by being pulled backwards.
Life is about to fire you forwards to kill someone.
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- Martin
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Having a bad day?
Remember that an arrow is only fired by being pulled backwards.
Life is about to fire you forwards to kill someone.
I had a T shirt printed, it says "Remember, it could be worse, and one day it will be."
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ancient_mariner
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The opposite of Formaldehyde is Casualdejekyll.
ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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sphexx
Likes a dare
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- Richard
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Or Double Dutch?Its probably Dutch.
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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- Roy
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The Edinburgh Fridge Festival is overrated in my opinion.
