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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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Tringa
Numpty of the Day'
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- Dave
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I have some software that allows you to remove a person from a digital image just by dragging the mouse over them. It is excellent and works everytime.
I was really surprised to find it works in real life too; you should have seen how quickly my mother-in-law left our house last night.
Dave
I was really surprised to find it works in real life too; you should have seen how quickly my mother-in-law left our house last night.
Dave
ancient_mariner
Moderator
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- Toni
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ancient_mariner
Moderator
- Messages
- 23,781
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
ancient_mariner
Moderator
- Messages
- 23,781
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
ancient_mariner
Moderator
- Messages
- 23,781
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
ancient_mariner
Moderator
- Messages
- 23,781
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
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A leaked picture of young Mark Zuckerberg.
Last edited:
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- Graeme
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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"
His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"
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- dave
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- George.
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A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."
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- Christopher
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My mother told me, I have no recollection of it, that on my first day of infant school I was really eager to go to school. The next day on being woken up and told I had to get ready for school my reply was, "But I went yesterday."
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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- Roy
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Don't try to tell me how to steal clothes from washing lines!
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.