The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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"A man gets on a Bus and sees a pretty young Nun. He sits down next to her,and pleads with her:"You are so attractive and I must have sex with you!"
"No," She replies, "I'm married to God.
"She stands up, and gets off at the Next Bus Stop.
The Man is devastated.
The Bus Driver, who overhead, turns to the Man and says: "I can tell you how to get to make love with that Lady!"...
"Yeah!", says the Man.
"Yeah! Replies the Bus Driver.
"She goes to the Cemetery every Tuesday night at Midnight to pray. so all you have to do is dress up in a Robe with a Hood, put some of that Glowing Powder Stuff in your Beard, and pop up in the Cemetery Claiming to be an Angel.
The Man promises to give it a try, and arrives at the Cemetry dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night."
"I am an Angel," He declares to the Nun, keeping the Hood low about his face.
"God has directed me to make Love with You!"
The Nun agrees without question but begs him to Restrict himself to Anal Sex, as she is desperate not to lose her Virginity.
The man agrees and promptly has his wicked way with her. This was the best sex he ever had."
After Finishing, He jumps up and throws back his Hood with a Flourish.
"Haha-hahaha," He laughed happily, "Surprise! Surprise! I am the Man From the Bus!"
"Haha-hahaha," Replied the Nun, "Surprise! Surprise!.....I am the Bus Driver...!!
 
When I die I did intend to be cremated but I've changed my mind. I can't pass up the opportunity to have this on my gravestone.

Respawning in
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Steep said:
When I die I did intend to be cremated but I've changed my mind. I can't pass up the opportunity to have this on my gravestone.

Respawning in
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I've always fancied "Don't remove the stake!" on mine :)
 
Steep said:
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
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:rolleyes:

gm43uk said:
I've always fancied "Don't remove the stake!" on mine
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close relative wanted "Under this sod lies another"
He never got it, but it was on the back of the "service booklets"
 
Cobra said:
:rolleyes:


close relative wanted "Under this sod lies another"
He never got it, but it was on the back of the "service booklets"
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And, of course, there's Spike Milligan's classic "Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite" or "I told you I was ill." :)
 
Seriously?

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Ah thanks for pointing that out.

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Hell of a mis-hit with a putter!
 
Usually a pair... :p
 
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