The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Steep]

I said put the apples in the 'Larder'

 

[Steep]

I decided to sell all my Dogging gear on Ebay.

It didn't sell but I had 758 'watching'

 

[Graham W]

You probably all already know this but given the "Greggs sausage roll in the manger" fuss, it's worth pointing out that;
Lord Jesus backwards is...Susejd Rol.



Sorry.

 

[Box Brownie]

You probably all already know this but given the "Greggs sausage roll in the manger" fuss, it's worth pointing out that;
Lord Jesus backwards is...Susejd Rol.



Sorry.

Hmmmm! you have certainly illustrated the lighter side of life.

 

[Nod]

And god is a backward dog.

 

[Cobra]

All this b******t about Greggs xmas advert at least the story of mary giving birth to a sausage roll is more plausible and Judas saying
"I could murder a sausage roll"
Now when I'm knocking a nail in and hit my thumb with the hammer do I have to shout 'sausage roll' now?

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

The gift that just keeps on giving

 

[Farmerjim]

All this b******t about Greggs xmas advert at least the story of mary giving birth to a sausage roll is more plausible and Judas saying
"I could murder a sausage roll"
Now when I'm knocking a nail in and hit my thumb with the hammer do I have to shout 'sausage roll' now?

View attachment 114855

This seems to be the logical answer ..............

 

[Mr Badger]

View attachment 114856

Shouldn't that be bearing gifts of Obesity, High Cholesterol and Type 2 Diabetes?

 

[Cobra]

 

[Marc]

 

[Marc]

 

[Nod]

View attachment 114896

I hope (for your sake!) that Mrs F. doesn't see that!!!

 

[Marc]

I hope (for your sake!) that Mrs F. doesn't see that!!!

Ssshhhhh, our dishwasher's kaput!

 

[simon ess]

SWEARY BITS - ENTIRELY NECESSARY.

Woman goes to the doctor and tells him,

"Doctor, I've got three fannies and I want you to cure me."

"Take off your knickers and let's have a look," replied the doctor.

She complied.

"Hmmm, he sagely murmered while stroking his beard. "Yes, I see the problem and I know what to do about it."

He reached into a drawer, took out two elastoplast, stuck one over the left fanny and one over the right fanny, leaving just the center fanny.

"There, that should do it," he confidently exclaimed.

"That's wonderful Doctor. Will it cure me?"

"Oh no, it won't cure you, but it will stop you getting f***ed left, right and center."

 

[Nod]

Ssshhhhh, our dishwasher's kaput!

You've broken S.???

 

[john.margetts]

Just because it is topical.

 

[Cobra]

Just because it is topical.

 

[simon ess]

View: https://youtu.be/6VLYpKGVBUg

 

[Steep]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Cobra]

What donuts?

 

[daveh]

What donuts?

RedX donuts!!

 

[Cobra]

RedX donuts!!

Better?

 

[Gremlin]

RedX donuts!!

Any better ?

 

[daveh]

Much better he says licking his lips....

 

[andyred]

View attachment 114937

Just to get the song properly embedded in your head

View: https://youtu.be/RdBcfRhzzAA

 

[andyred]

David Hasselhoff walks into a pub. The bartender says "hello, Mr. Hasselhoff!"
David says "I actually changed my name; please call me Mr. Hoff."
The bartender responds "sure, no Hassel."

 

[camerassassin]

 

[Cobra]

 

[the black fox]

took a couple of seconds for the penny to drop oh hissy one

 

[Cobra]

 

[ianp5a]

View attachment 115012

Is that one of those George Formby grills?

 

[Steep]

 

[camerassassin]

Phoned a helpline & all I got was a series of clicks. Found out later that my call was recorded for training porpoises.

 

[Cobra]

Is that one of those George Formby grills?

Yeah its Standing on the corner, as I type

 

[Nod]

If yer lucky, a certain little lady might show you how to use it!

 

[Steep]