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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- The real Chris
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This is nearly as good as the dog and bacon video 
(Watch all the way)
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8XvtW7sGe8
(Watch all the way)
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- ken
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I first heard that one regarding the school mistress who had a class regarding Norse Mythology
Having recounted all the naughty things the gods got up to, that night she dreamed that one came down and ravished her
In the morning, as he left, he thundered "I'm Thor!"
"Tho am I, but it wath marvelloush"
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- Toni
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The lonely hearts page from the Skye & Lochalsh Echo
An ex-colleague once wrote a lonely hearts ad that he was really proud of:
"Graduate biker seeks pre-Raphaelite goddess for wheelies."
I understand he got only nut-jobs.
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They must have crap television up there .. but does sound a interesting placeThe lonely hearts page from the Skye & Lochalsh Echo
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- Mick Gamble
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What do we we want?
A cure for obesity!
When do we want it?
After Tea!
A cure for obesity!
When do we want it?
After Tea!
Nod
Tootles
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- Nod (UK)
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I'd love to know the etymology of that. The more usual word for the phobia is rather shorter - the one above has "big horse" tacked onto the front of it.
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apparently
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia can actually be broken down into several parts: Hippo- is ‘horse’ in Greek and potam-os is river. Thus the first part of the word refers to a water horse also otherwise known as Hippopotamus. The Oxford Dictionary uses the word: Hippopotamine to refer to “something very large”. The word “monstr” is the Latin origin of a ‘monstrous being’ or something that is huge or terrifying and sesquippedalio is derived from Latin sesquippedali meaning ‘measuring a foot and a half long’. Phobos stands for morbid fear.
https://www.fearof.net/fear-of-long-words-phobia-hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia/
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- Mike
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Judging by a quick google the shorter version (http://common-phobias.com/sesquipedalo/phobia.htm) is now less commonly used - probably from the ironic twist of having an excessively long name for this particular phobia.
I'm sure the shorter version is still more common in medical circles. The longer version only seems to have been arround for about 5 years.
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Sent by a friend
<< Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years.
It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons. >>
<< Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years.
It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons. >>
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How English is that?
True story (similar but not as dramatic, but true): I recently went to the funeral of a guy I used to work with. I was surprised to see that the order of service named him as Jonathan [Surname], because I'd known him for nearly 30 years as William [Surname]. Fortunately his brother explained it in his eulogy. Apparently my friend was christened William Jonathan [Surname], but it was a bonkers family tradition that they used the middle name, so he was universally known as Jonathan. However, when he went to university, he went to one of those olde worlde Oxford colleges where they paint your name on your room door, and the painter didn't get the memo about the middle name, so he painted William [Surname]. And my friend, being very English, didn't want to make a fuss about it. So he became William. Everybody who had known him prior to university called him Jonathan, and everyone who first met him at university or later called him William. (But he didn't move to Poland.)
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My Mum was June Doreen, but always used Doreen.
When in hospital the staff usually insisted on listing her as June - it actually confused me on the one occasion they entered her in as Doreen, as I'd got used to having to use June by then.
Using second names seems to be fairly common, at work I know/have known a 'Guy' with the initials MGN & a 'Tony' with the initials GAG...
When in hospital the staff usually insisted on listing her as June - it actually confused me on the one occasion they entered her in as Doreen, as I'd got used to having to use June by then.
Using second names seems to be fairly common, at work I know/have known a 'Guy' with the initials MGN & a 'Tony' with the initials GAG...
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