The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[kennethwfd]

The corniest chat up line ever

Come back to my plaice, we'll have a whale of a time.
You see, I am not so shellfish anymore

 

[Earley Man]

It's giving me a haddock

It seems that they've got you over a Barbel

 

[kennethwfd]

Bung me a few squid and I'll delete them all

Shouldn't that be an ailing cephalapod ...
As in Sick squid

 

[Tringa]

View attachment 251862

Talking about weight - One in three Americans weighs the same as the other two.

Dave

 

[Box Brownie]

Now stop winding me up I am cetacean your doing it on porpoise

 

[ancient_mariner]

I'm pouting about getting the last post in.

 

[Box Brownie]

I'm pouting about getting the last post in.

Nah! you are just clowning around.........anyone for a conger before I have to fly

 

[Cockney]

Yeah that's because ....

View attachment 251836

Stop. Just stop. You too Bob. STOP!.

 

[Cockney]

STOP!. all of you STOP!.

 

[Earley Man]

So many fish jokes, I'm going to go to bed and Mullet them over.

 

[Mr Badger]

With all that laughing I bet your Jaws are aching now.

 

[the black fox]

Load of codswallop

 

[the black fox]

What a plaice this is

 

[Mr Badger]

What a plaice this is

It's Brill.

Bung me a few squid and I'll delete them all

Money for old Tope!

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

STOP!. all of you STOP!.

You're just a boring Grunt

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

Stop. Just stop. You too Bob. STOP!.

Hoki

 

[Box Brownie]

Hoki

Hoki? I think our carpet sweeper is a Hoki brand but when I let it sea floor it is very cod

 

[Cockney]

You're just a boring Grunt

Flounderous comment.

 

[Box Brownie]

What a plaice this is

Eh! sprat up, what was that you said about dace??? But heh this plaice is ruddy good for the sole

 

[ancient_mariner]

Time to stop - the names are being recycled and the finniness is a-ling now.

 

[Box Brownie]

Time to stop - the names are being recycled and the finniness is a-ling now.

A bit like "Mornington Crescent" i'll play the Lutefisk card

 

[mikew]

 

[the black fox]

Stop being a CLOWN can’t we DISCUS this my ANGEL

 

[Nod]

Load of codswallop

Some odd potential derivations of the word codswallop...

 

[ancient_mariner]

To borrow a phrase, Honi Soit Qui Molly Pense

 

[Mr Badger]

Flounderous comment.

Chill out, you'll give yourself a nervous Hake-down!

Stop being a CLOWN can’t we DISCUS this my ANGEL

You're obviously a Dab hand at this.

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Mountkeen]

My young son swallowed my mobile phone today and got it caught in his throat.

The little git

I could ring his neck.

 

[the black fox]

meanwhile MOLLY the PARROT FISH was sat on her PERCH thinking about the knocking out the SIAMESE FIGHTING FISH wondering if she was simply WHITEBAIT .

 

[Box Brownie]

meanwhile MOLLY the PARROT FISH was sat on her PERCH thinking about the knocking out the SIAMESE FIGHTING FISH wondering if she was simply WHITEBAIT .

I suppose you're CHUBBed with yourself for working that one out

 

[Steep]

 

[mikew]

 

[cosmicma]

 

[Cobra]

Might that not be overflexing your mussels?

Your Whelkome

Shouldn't that be an ailing cephalapod ...
As in Sick squid

I don't work that cheap
Here is my back pocket, just fillet

Stop. Just stop. You too Bob. STOP!.

Almost done

 

[Earley Man]

View attachment 251926

Which is the same place as all the members of the various Politburos of the Marxist Dictatorships keep theirs.